My Daily Tools

Starting this journey is exciting and scary.  I have worked so hard to save up the money, and done so much research and planning.  And it’s finally here.  My time is now.

I’ve been continuing to read about and implement new tools in my life to help me succeed.  I recognize that I’m the only one who can meet my own needs and reach my own goals.  But along the way, I think these will really be helpful.  I started out complaining to myself that I don’t have enough time to do these things every day, but honestly this is worth it.  I am worth it.  Plus, without my constant obsession with food, I find I actually have more time to do these things.

So here are my daily tools.  I’ve used some of them off and on for over a year.  Some of them are new.  But this is my daily plan.  I am hoping to accomplish these things first thing every morning.

Daily Affirmation - I write a statement to myself, affirming how awesome I am.  This is a hard one, but it gets easier as you go to find something nice to say about yourself.  It also starts to make you really believe good things about yourself.  You may feel silly when you start, but this may be one of the most important steps you take towards loving yourself.

Gratitude - My current goal is to write down five things I’m grateful for.  There are always my easy stand-bys like my husband and kids, etc.  Sometimes I challenge myself further and really examine what I’m grateful for in my life.  This really helps you realize how much you actually have in your life.

Tarot/Meditation/Reflection Card - This is a new practice I’ve begun.  I draw a card and take some time to meditate on or journal about the card’s meaning in my life.  I really enjoy this--it’s funny how the card always seems to have some sort of meaning for me.

Journal - I try to do some writing everyday in a journal.  It isn’t meant to be for anyone else--just me.  I write about anything and everything.  Sometimes some really interesting things come out from writing like that.

Read a Chapter - Right now I’m working on Self-Love Diet by Michelle E. Minero.  I want to make time in my life for some good self-help or spiritual books, but I need to stop rushing through everything.  Reading an entire book in a day or two doesn’t give me any time to work through it or implement the tasks.

Walking - My goal is 30 minutes per day.  That’s what the post-op recommendation is, so I started a week early.  Hopefully down the road I will push further and longer.

Confront my own negative thoughts - This is one that occurs throughout the day.  If I say or think something negative about myself, then I try to notice it.  I like to write it down and then debunk it--I change it to something positive or I point out the actual truth and not just my broken perspective of things.  This is very helpful but it can be hard to remember to do.

Celebrate the Little Victories! - This is one that was hard for me in the beginning.  Again, this is done throughout the day.  I write down every little thing that is a victory for me.  I used to think I could only feel proud of myself for accomplishing something big--staying on a diet or exercise routine for months, or going above and beyond on something.  Now I realize that every little thing is a victory for me.  Every healthy meal, every glass of water, every little bit of walking--everything should be celebrated.  I write down my victories.  I am proud of myself for walking 5 minutes because it’s a victory.  I don’t want to only focus on the things I mess up; I deserve to be celebrated for every little thing I do right :)

Those are my daily tools.  I’ve had to work up to doing them all, so I wouldn’t recommend implementing all of them together.  Start with one of them that really calls to you right now.  Start trying to do it everyday.  It’s okay if you miss a day--start back up the next.  If one of these doesn’t work out for you, that’s okay too.  You need to find the tools that work for you!

Pre-Op Reactions

I’ve been hesitant to tell people about the surgery before the surgery.  I want to be upfront and honest about my weight loss, but there’s still a part of me that fears how other people will react and treat me.  Will they say that I’m taking the “easy way out”?

I wasn’t sure if I would tell anyone before the surgery other than my husband and my kids.  I thought I would tell my mom, but that I would wait until a week before the surgery.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell my boss.

I decided to tell my mom.  She was actually pretty good about it.  She wasn’t judgmental and she didn’t overwhelm me with her worries.  She does have concerns, but overall she understands that I have been researching this and thinking about it for a couple of years now.  I think her biggest worry is that I may be giving up some foods permanently.  She doesn’t like that idea.  She also worries about family get-togethers since they are usually heavily based around a meal or food.

I also decided to tell one of my friends.  I know that she has struggled with food, but she is doing extremely well right now.  She did Ideal Protein in the past and looks fabulous.  She was super supportive and very excited for me!

Today I reached out to my sister-in-law who is a doctor.  I had brought the idea up to her about a year ago and I felt like I got a really negative reaction.  One of her friends has a lap-band, and has not been very successful.  The friend with the lap-band will sometimes eat foods and then purposely vomit so she can eat off limit foods.  Obviously that isn’t a healthy way to handle it.  So I felt that my sis-in-law was skeptical in the past.  So I emailed her and told her about my decision and offered that I’d be happy to answer any questions.  She was also super supportive!  She asked about my surgeon and making sure I would have post-op support.  Yay!

I still need to work up the courage to tell my Dad.  He is a guy who believes in will-power.  So I’m worried he will think it’s a bad idea.  But who knows, he may surprise me.  If not, then I know he will eventually come around when he sees me healthy and happy.

I will also tell my boss.  I want her to know in case there are any complications and in case I end up needing to take more time off.  I’m hoping I can work from home for a couple of days towards the end of the week I’m home.

So far, so good on the reactions.  Let’s hope people continue being so supportive!

Will I miss this?

One thing that some weight loss surgery patients do before surgery is have a food funeral.  The idea is that you are saying goodbye to the foods you love that you will no longer be able to eat.  Even some surgeons encourage you to go out and enjoy one last amazing meal.

I'm not sure if I will do a food funeral.  I understand the purpose, and I think in some ways that closure would be helpful.  I don't think that I would want to mess up my pre-op diet just to be able to eat those foods one more time.  What do those foods really mean to me?  Are they that important in my life?  There are plenty of arguments either way.  Some people stay strictly to their pre-op diets and lose some or a lot of weight before the surgery.  Others cheat on the diet and go all out with eating before surgery.  There is no right or wrong here.  We are all just trying to survive and then heal.

Since I have a number of months before my surgery can take place, I have really been examining a lot of my feelings and habits surrounding food.  I haven't changed very many of my habits yet, but I think this step is really important too.  I need to understand my own relationship with food.  I think that will be a key to success for me.

Eat time I've eaten at a restaurant or fast food lately, I have asked myself, "Is this something I can eat after surgery?  Is there anything on the menu I like that I can eat after surgery?  Will I honestly miss this food?  Is this food something I can live without?"  The answers have been interesting.  There is nothing I've eaten that I can't live without.  I may miss the foods a little, but my desire to have them does not outweigh my desire to be healthy.  I want to be healthy; I want to feel good.  There is nothing I have eaten that makes me question my decision to have weight loss surgery.

Dancing with my Daughter

Last night at my niece's wedding I did something incredibly brave.  I got on the dance floor and danced.  My daughter was dancing completely alone on the floor.  Most guests were just hanging out or in the photo booth.  She was dancing with such abandon.  I urged my husband to go out and dance with her.  He kept refusing.  I wanted so badly to just go out there and dance with her.  But what about my knees?  I haven't danced in years.  I'm also very self-conscious about how fat I am.

But I got up and danced.  I walked out onto that dance floor and danced with my daughter.  Other people joined us, but I got up there.  At first it was awkward for me.  I mean I probably look like crap while I dance.  I felt a little embarrassed.  At the same time I really wanted to dance, and I was having fun with my daughter.  So I decided who cares if everyone thinks I'm too fat to be on the dance floor!  Most likely nobody gives a rat's ass about me!  I let go.  I had fun.  And I absolutely don't regret it.

I danced with my daughter last night!

Alternatives to Food

One of my major barriers to weight loss success is my relationship with food.  Food is my go-to for just about everything--it is my coping mechanism and I use it for every emotion.  I eat when I'm upset, angry, depressed, stressed, anxious, excited and even when I'm bored.

I am working on a list of alternatives to eating for myself.  These are things I can do rather than eat.  I'm hoping by having this list that I will have plenty of options for things to do when I desperately want to eat.  I'm sure my list will grow, but I wanted to share the things I'd like to try instead of food.

• blog
• go for a walk
• go swimming
• take a hot bath
• clean
• self-talk
• play a game
• read
• get some support on a forum
• call or text a friend for support
• collage
• journal
• meditate
• say a mantra or the serenity prayer
• yoga
• color in a coloring book
• teach myself origami
• light therapy
• self-massage
• take a nap
• worry beads
• deep breathing
• accept my feelings and sit in the discomfort
• listen to music
• sing
• write a story
• write a poem
• play Rock Band
• bike (I can't do this yet, but I'm hoping after the surgery...)

That's my list!  I'm pretty happy with it :)

Back to Basics

Do you ever feel like the people around you don’t appreciate you?  I struggle with this a lot.  And I get disappointed and hurt over it.  I think, though, that maybe I need to take a closer look at how I feel about myself.  Do I give myself the respect and appreciation I deserve?  The answer is no.

I put other people first.  I don’t stand up for myself and I don’t treat myself with the kindness and love that I show others.  I don’t love myself unconditionally.  I don’t take care of myself.  I don’t put myself first.  

So why do I mistreat myself?  Do I feel that I don’t deserve to be loved?  I’m not sure to be honest.  I want to believe that I love myself.  I think I’m pretty terrific in so many ways.  And I think I have the potential to be an absolutely amazing woman.  But I don’t treat myself that way.

How can I begin to be the me I want to be?  How can I show myself love and understanding?  How can I love myself unconditionally?

I’m going to be going back to some of the basics…

Write down my negative self-talk and counter it with positive self-talk

Start a gratitude journal

Start some basic self-care

Celebrate my little victories

I think that’s probably enough to start.  Sometimes I try to go all out and then when I mess up just a little… I stop altogether.

I am worthy of self-respect and respect from others.

I am kind and giving.  I am a creative woman.

I deserve to be loved and appreciated.

I am not invisible.

New Art In Progress

I set up my artist space.  I haven't organized all my crap yet, but I went ahead and set up what I could.  I have some pretty good lighting, but I think I need to set up some additional lighting right at the desk.

I also started a new collage today.  I'm very excited!  I found a 12"x16" canvas that my daughter must have forgotten she had.  It was just mixed up in my art supplies.  So I have pilfered it.  From my daughter.  I'm such a wonderful mom ;)

I have never done a collage on canvas before.  And I don't usually work with anything larger than a sheet of paper in a sketchbook.  So this is a new experience for me.  I knew that I wanted to do a piece that is a reflection of me and where I'm at in my journey.  I'm really pleased with it so far and I will definitely post a pic once it's finished.

I like the way it makes me feel to work on a collage.  It's kind of like a creative puzzle... taking things that draw me in and manipulating them that way.  I always shrugged off what I do with collages.  I'm not a "real" artist because I use art and photos that have already been created.  But I think now that what I do is art... in it's own way.  And regardless, it makes me happy to work.  In the end, that's all that matters.

Self-Exploration

So... I'm not sure what I enjoy doing.  Don't get me wrong, I know a number of things I enjoy doing.  The list seems small and I often get stuck in boredom wondering what I can do to bring enjoyment to my life.  I have been seeking meaning, and I am trying to connect with myself to find the meaning.

There are actually a lot of things I think I would enjoy.  There are many things I want to try.  Sometimes I even sit down and make lists of the things I want to do.  And then I look at this big, overwhelming list and don't know where to start.  I also make excuses--I'd have to have a lot of time to do that.  I don't have the money to try that right now.  I don't want to do that by myself.  I can't do that without someone showing me how.  You get the idea.

So I am trying to figure it out.

I have revamped my list, and this time I am trying a couple of things.  I tend to go into things all or nothing, but I'm slowing it down this time.  I want to try to clicker train my dog (and maybe my cats too!).  So I bought a clicker and some treats.  You start really slowly, and I started today.  I also wanted to go buy some seeds, plants, and soil to start up a container garden this weekend.  Unfortunately, my funds are a little tighter than I'd like so I really don't think I should make a large investment in gardening just yet.  So instead of completely giving up (as I have been known to do!), I'm going to start clearing a space on my back patio for the containers, start planning what I might like in the garden, and maybe purchase one packet of seeds.  If I buy seeds here and there then it may not get ridiculously expensive.

Here are a few more items from my exploration list:

• Meditation/Mindfulness
• Photography
• Hiking
• Write a short story
• Costuming
• Falconry
• Learn to draw
• Furniture restoration
• Travel
• Illumination

Interestingly enough, several of the things on the list require no investment except time.  I guess it's about finding the momentum to try something.  Maybe I will set up a play date with myself once a week to try something new.  This is perfect idea for Sundays--something to offset the Sunday Blues!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Where is my art?

Something I've been working hard to not think about is my art.  More accurately--my lack thereof.

Sometimes my depression can spark some creativity, but usually it just shoves my art so far down that I'm not quite sure how to bring it back into the light.  I've been feeling so much better lately.  I'm thinking more positively at work, and really opening myself up to recognizing everyday moments of contentment and even happiness.  So where is my art?

I can feel the desire to do something creative.  I'm hungering to be productive in the parts of myself that play in happiness.  I know it's there.  I'm not worried that it's gone forever.  But I don't know how to bring it back out.  My husband would tell me to just start working on a collage.  And he's probably right.  Just because I don't feel like starting something doesn't mean that it isn't there patiently waiting for me to begin.

And yet I keep finding excuses.  I don't have a space to work on things.  It takes time to pull out all my collage stuff and get to work.  Then I have to clean up and take a couple of days to seal the paper.  It seems overwhelming, which sounds really silly.

So maybe I need to start with baby steps.  Today I will start clearing a space for my art.  Then maybe I will sort through some of my supplies.  To be honest it would be hard for me to locate what I need because everything is so cluttered.  So I need to reign in some of the chaos.  But then I need to begin.  Because that's the only way for my art to come out.  It can't come out to play if I keep waiting for something to push me to do it.

Progress, not perfection!

Documentary on Happiness

I watched a really good documentary on happiness called "Happy."  It's available on Netflix, and it's been sitting in my queue for months.

I'm so glad I took the time to watch it.  It looks at happiness--what the science says as well as experiential happiness.  It's a wonderful reminder that happiness isn't really found in material goods.  Yes, we require some basic things and without them it is very difficult to be happy.  But does my new smartphone truly bring me happiness?  I may be glad when it arrives and it's shiny and new.  But that satisfaction is extremely fleeting.  It leaves and I never again capture that feeling.  Experiences, however, can continue to bring back moments of happiness and contentment.  I can look at a photo of a wonderful experience, or even think about it, and I'm there.

Anyway, the documentary is really good and I would recommend it if you're in the mood.

Here are some of my notes that I want to take with me from watching "Happy"

• Exercise - especially in novel ways
• Flow
• Loving Kindness Meditation
• Compassion Meditation
• Tracking thankfulness every week
• Acts of kindness
• Play
• New Experiences

Today I've payed attention and recognized those moments when I felt contentment--cooking dinner with my husband; being productive with some work while I watched a documentary; eating a healthy and delicious meal.  I want to hold on to these moments when they happen.  I've smiled today and felt glad for noticing that I am happy and thankful for experiencing these moments.

Ups and Downs

Staying positive isn't as easy as one would hope.  Some people make it look so smooth.  It's a constant battle for me when things aren't going well.

My day usually starts out well--I'm moving forward and feeling good.  And then inevitably something happens to disrupt my momentum or something happens outside of my control.  That's when the problems start for me.  For instance, on Friday at work, my supervisor was supposed to be available to assist me with something only she could help with.  It was a time-critical task, and I needed her four times during the day.  I had let her know in advance.  I even planned in some cushion time because I realize she can't drop everything and come assist me.  And yet... I often had to wait 15-30 minutes for her to come help me.  What I needed literally took less than two minutes.  And what I was doing was required, and very important.  But still I waited.  It began to feel like I was being disrespected.  The thirty-minute wait was the worst.  I stood, waiting, steaming.  And I had to constantly remind myself to let it go.  I had to tell myself that it would be okay and that even if I didn't finish this time-critical task, that life would go on.  I could pick up the pieces on Monday if I absolutely had to.

Was I able to do it?  More or less.  I won't say that it was easy, and I won't say that I was 100% successful.  But I was able to hang in there, and I made the effort.  So back to my quote from Julia Cameron, "Progress, not perfection".

I have a hard time letting go.  I am trying, and it's a work in progress.  I am a work in progress.  And that's okay!

The Artist's Way

The Artist's Way is a book by Julia Cameron that walks you through making that connection with your inner creativity.

I have started and stopped it several times over the years.  It does require some time and commitment to make it work, and I have trouble making that commitment to myself sometimes.

I signed up for "The Artist's Way" workshop at a local library and we just started up.  I had missed the informational meeting because of work, so I did not do the reading or the homework in advance.  We have a large group participating but we broke up into smaller groups to discuss the first chapter and some of the tasks.

I always find small groups a little awkward.  It's difficult to feel your way around that group dynamic.  You usually have someone who wants to monopolize the discussion and someone else who hardly talks.  I usually fall somewhere in the middle--I don't mind participating and I don't even mind leading, but I don't like to put too much out there.  I think it's because I don't want to be judged, and I'm hypersensitive about the possibility of monopolizing the discussion.

We had a pretty good small group.  Again, it's a little awkward.  We are all from different backgrounds and we all participated in different ways.  It will be interesting to see how we grow and how the group develops.

During the two-hour meeting, I felt my own resistance rise up.  I worried about sharing and I worried that this whole thing was a waste of my time.  But I pushed myself out of my comfort zone.  I need something for myself.  I am going to give this workshop a genuine try.  I need to do these kinds of things for myself.  I want to grow as a person, and I know that I get nervous around people I don't know.  I let anxiety keep me from getting out of my comfort zone all too often.  So this time, I am going to stick with it.

If you haven't tried the book, I can recommend it--even if you start and stop it over and over ;)

Coming Out On The Other Side

I'm coming out of a pretty deep funk.

I sort of lost my job--administrative transfer, not fired--and ended up somewhere I wasn't expecting.  I started out trying to make the most of it, and going full tilt as per usual.  I was absolutely miserable.  I felt alone and scared, and totally unprepared for my new job duties.  I received almost no training and yet I was responsible for critical things.  It brought up all my anxiety and depression.  On top of that, the migraines came back.

I struggled to get up in the mornings.  My mind screamed for me to run away and do anything that would keep me from going to work.  I would sometimes panic at work and have to shut the door and just calm myself down.  I would leave work and cry the whole drive home.  I considered leaving, but felt trapped.  I make decent money and most positions I thought about applying for would require a significant cut in pay.

Last Wednesday I went on a job interview.  It went okay--I did well but not spectacular.  I didn't dazzle them like I was hoping to.  I went home that evening disappointed in myself.  And then I decided that it wasn't worth all this agony.  I am miserable and unhappy.  But I don't want to feel that way anymore.  I made the decision that I was going to learn how to let some of this go.

So when I went to work the next day, I made a concentrated effort to not let things get to me.  I decided I was going to be happy, dammit!  It wasn't easy, and I wasn't totally successful.  But I did find that it made my day a little more bearable.  When I felt overwhelmed, I would take a moment and breathe deeply.  I tried to let any negative emotions go.  I went out of my way to spend some time on myself, and didn't drive myself insane working hard every moment of the day.  I got some work done, and I praised myself for accomplishing what I did.  I began to acknowledge my progress, instead of just pushing myself on and on and on.

I also did some research into being content or even happy when you dislike your job.  I found some information particularly helpful for me:

• Choose to be happy - think positively and focus on the aspects of my work that I like
• Do something I like every day (in and out of work)
• Avoid negativity
• Take a little time to be social with positive people
• Recognize and be proud of my skills and abilities
• Be creative at work
• Play outside of work
• Give thanks and appreciation
• Start a new project
• Stop griping/ruminating/wallowing
• Keep working towards my passion
• Monotask at least once per day
• Schedule a one-minute meditation
• "Progress, not perfection"

These really stood out to me.  I'm going to start trying to implement them.  Maybe one per week to really concentrate on.

I also found an article that said I needed to be having more frequent sex!  Love it.  So, yes, that one is going on my list too!

Finally, I have signed up to take "The Artist's Way" workshop through a local library.

Baby steps.  Small victories.  Stay positive.  Wish me luck!


Sources:
http://www.careerealism.com/9-ways-to-be-happy-in-a-job-you-dont-like/
http://dawnbarclay.com/10-ways-to-be-happy-at-work-even-if-you-hate-it
http://humanresources.about.com/od/success/tp/happy_work.htm
http://juliacameronlive.com/books-by-julia/the-artists-way-a-spiritual-path-to-higher-creativity/

Getting back to me

So I have had a rough couple of weeks.  I've slacked off on my journaling and on celebrating my little victories.  I haven't blogged much.  I've been in semi-survival mode and have returned to unhealthy coping mechanisms.  But I'm okay.  I'm recovering.  And I feel like I may even be coming out better on the other side.  I've been more honest with myself through this process.  And it is a process.  I won't wake up one morning and everything be just perfect.  I am working towards the me I know I am inside.  And I have to allow that to happen.  I have to allow myself to make mistakes and to fall backwards.  I have to believe that I can continue to pick myself back up.

I know I have so much more work to do.  And that's okay.  I give myself permission to take things slowly.  And I recognize that I am trying, and that this journey is important to me.  I am important to me.

I will begin journaling again.  I was going to say that I will start tomorrow, but forget that--I am starting this evening.  I will journal again.  I will make art.  I will sing and listen to music.  And I will begin to do the things for myself that are important to me.  I will begin to see the good again.

So I will start with me...

And let me say that I suppose this is my small victory :)

My Victory List

I’m not very good at complimenting myself.  I tend to be hard on myself and expect a lot of myself.  It’s hard for me to see all the good that I do and that I am.  I am trying though, and it’s slowly getting easier and better.

Journaling has helped tremendously.  It started very slowly.  I would sit there and agonize over anything genuine to write.  I didn’t want to just write something I didn’t believe.  But slowly I would find little things I could write and believe about myself that were positive and wonderful.  I began to see the little victories in my life.  I began to believe.  

I used to overlook the little victories.  I used to think the little victories were things like going for a 30 minute walk or drinking 64 ounces of water.  Yes, those are absolutely victories.  They are actually pretty big victories.  A single glass of water is a victory too!  A 5 minute walk is a victory!  I know it sounds silly, but these little things add up, especially when my life has seemed so devoid of joy for so long.  Being able to recognize these little victories has really made me feel good.  I’ve been able to slowly track these in my journal and genuinely celebrate them.

Here is a list of little victories:

"Happy Plate" - Leaving food on the plate!

ordering a smaller portion/appetizer instead of a full meal

drink a glass of water

clean/straighten a room

do a load of dishes/laundry

fold clothes

hang up clothes

scoop/change litter

mow lawn

walk

yoga

bike

physical therapy

eat at home

cook a meal

say no to eating out

say no to food

give away food

go grocery shopping

forgive myself

be kind to myself

do art

do a craft

run an errand

be productive for an hour at work

stand up for myself

This list is not exhaustive.  I add to it as I discover that something I’ve done is a victory.  Sometimes it’s an amazing feeling, and sometimes it just feels strange.  I threw away half an order of fries the other day.  I’m not used to throwing away food.  It didn’t make me feel sad or angry or guilty or even happy.  It was kind of just… a curious feeling.  I almost felt detached from it.  And I was glad I did it.  It was almost like there was no emotion attached to the fact that I was full and I didn’t care to eat any more french fries.  Go figure!

Louisiana2Step Review

I completed the Louisiana 2 Step!

It was pretty easy to do.  You log in daily for two weeks.  You answer three questions every day--how many ounces of water did you drink, how much sleep did you get, and how many minutes did you walk the day before?  Each day it gives a little lesson on different aspects of health.  Sometimes there’s a little quiz, but it’s nothing terribly difficult or stressful.  The website is colorful and easy to use.

It was kind of fun to use, and it certainly didn’t feel like a big commitment.  Here are the results of my data:

So that’s all well and good.  From there, it sends you to register with myLA2step.com.  And so I did.  It was not nearly as nice and pretty and easy.  It kept rejecting my registration.  It also never allowed me to input my email address.  I finally gave up and when I tried to return to take a screenshot… it wouldn’t let me back in and it wouldn’t let me register.  Oh joy.  Plus, when I went to check out the current reward opportunities it said there were none being offered at this time.  Hmmmm.  Well that sucks.  Not that I was expecting much.  But it would have been nice to have a printable certificate or something.  Maybe a free pedometer?  A coupon for some yogurt?  But nope.  So I may try to check it out again at some point, but I won’t be in any hurry.

Victory Project

I mentioned before that I was looking for a project to celebrate the little victories in my life.  I was hoping to find something that would be a one-to-one representation of the victories, but that was a little difficult.  I found that what I wanted to do right now was to create a cross stitch.  I had found a glass on wood piece inspired by Alphonse Mucha’s The Moon.  The colors just absolutely blew me away:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/15630383@N08/2774597631/

Kathleen Coyle

Stunning, right?

So I am attempting to cross stitch Mucha’s The Moon as inspired by Kathleen Coyle’s vision.  This will be my Victory Project.  I won’t be doing it as a single stitch per victory.  I decided that I have many victories throughout my day and life.  I should celebrate as I can, and this project will take me many, many months--probably at least a year.  I will keep you updated.

"Happy Plate"

So I have decided to redefine “Happy Plate”

I’ve been writing in my journal that I have been leaving food behind on my plate and not leaving a “happy plate” behind.  I think most of us think of a happy plate as a clean plate--a plate that we have eaten all the food off of.  And as I kept writing that in my journal, it started bothering me.  I didn’t like that that is the message that I have been taking about food.  That’s also the message I have been giving my own children.  You can’t be happy unless you eat every bit of food off your plate.

What makes me happy (or at least happier) lately, is for my plate to not be empty--for food to be left behind.  From this day forward, in my family, a “happy plate” will now be a plate that has food left on it.  We will eat until we are comfortably full and not a bite more.  THAT is a happy plate and a happy tummy.

Little Celebrations

I've been working on celebrating the little victories in my life.  I started out just noticing the big and obvious things--when I went for walks, did my physical therapy, and drank 64 oz. of water in a day.  I was hesitant to recognize things that seemed small and maybe even easy.  If I passed up a chance to eat something extra--that didn't seem like an accomplishment.  But gradually I allowed myself to see that even these small things are big steps for me.

I've been journaling about my eating habits, my thoughts and feelings surrounding food, and now my little victories.  Here are some of the things that I've celebrated:

• Taking a walk
• Doing my physical therapy at home
• Eating a meal at home
• Trying chair yoga
• Turning down an order of french fries

So yay for me!  I felt a little ridiculous saying that these were victories--but they are!  I am starting to embrace that I am not perfect, but I'm trying--and I'm actually accomplishing things every single day.  I'm becoming aware of the things I do that I should be proud of.

Most of my celebrating so far has been blaring out some rock anthems and singing loudly.  It's fun, and I really enjoy it.  Today, however, I really didn't feel like dancing around and singing.  I want to come up with other ways to celebrate me.  I've done some searching online, but so many of the suggestions are about food or about spending money.  Several of them suggest taking a day off work.  The thing is, I'm trying to celebrate multiple events every single day, so I need easy and doable.

One thing I was thinking about was that I'd love to start a project that I add to each time I have a small victory.  Maybe a beaded project or cross-stitch?  It would be really cool to eventually finish a project and be able to visibly see that each tiny piece/bead/stitch reflected a victory for me.  I will definitely have to research some ideas...

In the meantime, here's a little celebration:

iPhone App Review: Momentum

Mindbloom has a lot of really interesting motivational apps.  I've been trying them all to some degree or another, and the one that really stands out for me is Momentum.  The idea behind Momentum, is that by recognizing the good moments in your life, they build up momentum to keep you moving forward.

Your hot air balloon flies along.  You click on your fuel gauge to add fuel:

You can show your fuel through taking a picture, adding a picture or writing a note.  For each piece of fuel, you select what kind of fuel it was--a Happy Moment, a Victory Moment, a Reflective Moment, a Kindness Moment, or a Thankful Moment.  You can play back through your momentum as well.  You earn tickets for your progress, and you can upgrade your balloon over time.

My balloon has a red streamer :)

You can also do little challenges for fuel by clicking on a box that flies by.  The challenge may ask you to do a full body stretch, drink a glass of water, or answer a question.

Momentum is a free app.  It's fairly simple and doesn't require much time or effort.  I like it as a reminder to me to celebrate my little victories.  I also like the reminder that I want to recognize the things that make me feel happy, victorious, reflective, kind, or thankful!