"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Showing posts with label Sunday Blues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday Blues. Show all posts

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Self-Exploration

So... I'm not sure what I enjoy doing.  Don't get me wrong, I know a number of things I enjoy doing.  The list seems small and I often get stuck in boredom wondering what I can do to bring enjoyment to my life.  I have been seeking meaning, and I am trying to connect with myself to find the meaning.

There are actually a lot of things I think I would enjoy.  There are many things I want to try.  Sometimes I even sit down and make lists of the things I want to do.  And then I look at this big, overwhelming list and don't know where to start.  I also make excuses--I'd have to have a lot of time to do that.  I don't have the money to try that right now.  I don't want to do that by myself.  I can't do that without someone showing me how.  You get the idea.

So I am trying to figure it out.

I have revamped my list, and this time I am trying a couple of things.  I tend to go into things all or nothing, but I'm slowing it down this time.  I want to try to clicker train my dog (and maybe my cats too!).  So I bought a clicker and some treats.  You start really slowly, and I started today.  I also wanted to go buy some seeds, plants, and soil to start up a container garden this weekend.  Unfortunately, my funds are a little tighter than I'd like so I really don't think I should make a large investment in gardening just yet.  So instead of completely giving up (as I have been known to do!), I'm going to start clearing a space on my back patio for the containers, start planning what I might like in the garden, and maybe purchase one packet of seeds.  If I buy seeds here and there then it may not get ridiculously expensive.

Here are a few more items from my exploration list:

  • Meditation/Mindfulness
  • Photography
  • Hiking
  • Write a short story
  • Costuming
  • Falconry
  • Learn to draw
  • Furniture restoration
  • Travel
  • Illumination

Interestingly enough, several of the things on the list require no investment except time.  I guess it's about finding the momentum to try something.  Maybe I will set up a play date with myself once a week to try something new.  This is perfect idea for Sundays--something to offset the Sunday Blues!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Fighting the Funk

It's evening and I feel funky.  I know that tomorrow I have to go to work.  Work hasn't been so bad lately, but I can feel my heart racing.  I feel trapped--like I have no choice and there is no escape.  I know I only have a couple more hours and then my night is over.  Then I will sleep and wake up and go to the place I dread going.

Sounds silly, right?  It's just work.  There's no real danger from work.  Things have been slightly better for me at work and I think this anxiety is just a little left-over panic.  My "Sunday Blues" as I used to call them.  When my day/weekend/freedom is coming to a close and I desperately want it to continue.

So I'm sitting here and I'm just breathing.  I'm concentrating on this moment, and not tomorrow.  I am accepting that I feel the anxiety and not judging it.  I'm not silly and neither are my feelings.  But I am reassuring myself that I am okay, that I don't need to panic.  My night isn't over, and even though I will go to work in the morning, that day will end too and I will eventually be home and it is all okay.  Breathe.  And just be in this moment.

I think it's time for some small things that bring me contentment and peace.  It's time for a late meal, some soothing music, and maybe a bath or a cuddle with a pet.  And I will keep breathing and it will be okay.