Fitness at Five Months Post-Op

Here is my current weekly fitness plan:

Mondays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Tuesdays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Wednesdays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Thursdays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Fridays

Walk for 1 hour

Physical Therapy (knees) for 45 minutes

Saturdays

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Sundays

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

By six-months post-op I hope to add in:

• 15 additional minutes of physical therapy per day
• Strength training for abdominals/back 2x per week
• Strength training for arms 2x per week

By seven-months post-op I hope to add in:

• Flexibility training
• Balance training
• Swimming or biking as a way of cross-training

Trigger Foods

One of my mom’s concerns about me having this surgery is that I told her that I was going to try to forever stay away from certain kinds of foods.  I told her that I hoped one day I could eat them without having issues, but that I needed to be prepared to avoid them if they became trigger foods.

So what is a trigger food?  A trigger food is a food that makes you want to eat more; it’s any food that you have trouble resisting and leads you to overeating.  Different people have different triggers.  I knew that breads are my downfall--I LOVE bread.  I actually feel pretty confident that I can turn down cake, but bread is altogether different!

I have found that my ideas of trigger foods have changed over time.  I have managed to stay away from bread products for the most part.  I do have a couple of crackers occasionally.  I have been able to turn down cake several times now.

I think my trigger food, unfortunately, is popcorn.  I used to absolutely love SmartFood White Cheddar Popcorn.  I allowed myself to buy a small bag of it over the Christmas holidays, figuring I would limit myself to about ¼ cup of popcorn per day as a snack.  Well let me just say that it went down so easy and tasted so good!  I did not experience any restriction… I could have eaten the whole bag in one sitting.  I read somewhere that they call popcorn and chips “slider foods” because they just slide right through and you can just keep eating.  So obviously after eating almost a cup of popcorn in one sitting, I realized that popcorn was a big danger to me.  Sure--a cup of popcorn isn’t too bad.  My problem is I kept wanting more.  I wanted to eat the whole bag and then buy more.  So I threw away the rest of the bag.  And I haven’t bought any since.

I would like to think that I can eat anything in moderation--and in my ideal world, I can.  But I also understand that I’m flawed when it comes to food.  I just need to be aware of my difficulties.  And it’s okay for me to mess up or make a less healthy choice.  I just don’t want those less healthy choices to become the norm or a common thing in my life.  I’ve lost so much weight and it’s more important to me that I live a healthy lifestyle.  My health and weight loss are more important to me than the transient pleasure of popcorn.

Skipping the Food Funerals

Last night I had my first and last food funeral before my surgery.  I still have almost a week before I start my pre-op diet, so there is still time to eat "normal" food.  My husband and I wanted to eat at The Melting Pot one last time.  It has been one of our favorite restaurants for many years.  It's pretty damn expensive so unfortunately we only eat there once or twice per year for very special occasions.

We were incredibly disappointed with the food last night.  It almost seemed like they had changed management or something.  There was just something different and almost a little off about the whole meal.  Our cheese was good... but things went downhill from there.  The salad was smaller than usual and didn't have all the fixings--like no eggs or anything.  Same salad we always get.  Then the entree' meat--I was not a fan of my chicken.  It was super rubbery.  The shrimp was fine, so that was good.  Some of the dipping sauces were different too--like the spicy cocktail sauce and the green goddess.  They didn't seem as fresh as usual.  We left about 1/2 our entree uncooked and not eaten.

By the time we ordered dessert, we had kind of given up and just laughed about it all.  Here I was trying to have my last awesome experience at the Melting Pot, and they were totally underwhelming us.  For our chocolate, we always custom order a "Flaming Amaretto Meltdown"--it hasn't been on the menu in years, but we simply tell them it's white chocolate with amaretto, and then to light it up.  Our waiter poured WAY too much Everclear onto the chocolate.  There was so much Everclear that most of it did not burn off, and ultimately it was almost inedible.  You could only dip from the top, center of the chocolate--the sides and bottom were all Everclear.

The whole experience really brought me some clarity.  Food has been such an important part of my life--it has been my coping mechanism.  But to be totally honest, it doesn't usually live up to my expectations.  It isn't a friend.  It doesn't see me through my problems.  It just clouds everything and causes long-term problems.  I don't want it anymore.  In some ways, I wish I could give it up completely and never come face to face with it again.

I can live without this particular food.  I don't need to say goodbye to it or any other food.  I'm done with it.


... Now let's just hope that I keep that attitude for many years to come.

Will I miss this?

One thing that some weight loss surgery patients do before surgery is have a food funeral.  The idea is that you are saying goodbye to the foods you love that you will no longer be able to eat.  Even some surgeons encourage you to go out and enjoy one last amazing meal.

I'm not sure if I will do a food funeral.  I understand the purpose, and I think in some ways that closure would be helpful.  I don't think that I would want to mess up my pre-op diet just to be able to eat those foods one more time.  What do those foods really mean to me?  Are they that important in my life?  There are plenty of arguments either way.  Some people stay strictly to their pre-op diets and lose some or a lot of weight before the surgery.  Others cheat on the diet and go all out with eating before surgery.  There is no right or wrong here.  We are all just trying to survive and then heal.

Since I have a number of months before my surgery can take place, I have really been examining a lot of my feelings and habits surrounding food.  I haven't changed very many of my habits yet, but I think this step is really important too.  I need to understand my own relationship with food.  I think that will be a key to success for me.

Eat time I've eaten at a restaurant or fast food lately, I have asked myself, "Is this something I can eat after surgery?  Is there anything on the menu I like that I can eat after surgery?  Will I honestly miss this food?  Is this food something I can live without?"  The answers have been interesting.  There is nothing I've eaten that I can't live without.  I may miss the foods a little, but my desire to have them does not outweigh my desire to be healthy.  I want to be healthy; I want to feel good.  There is nothing I have eaten that makes me question my decision to have weight loss surgery.

The Joy of Snacking

I enjoy snacking.  My favorite right now is the White Cheddar popcorn from Smartfood.  I like the flavor and it's nice to just sit and munch on.  Plus it's pretty inexpensive compared to chips.

There are certain times that I'm particularly prone to snacking--when I'm sitting at the computer watching a Netflix show, during a RPG with friends, when I'm bored, when I'm reading...  You get the picture.  I like to think that I don't snack much, but it tends to add up.

I've been thinking a lot lately of how life will be different after weight loss surgery.  So how will my life change if I can no longer snack in the way I'm used to snacking?  I sometimes get a little figgety and I feel like I need to be doing something with my hands.  Maybe I can find another activity to do with my hands?  Or maybe I just need to sit in the discomfort of not having something to do.  It's okay to be bored, right?  And if I need a slight distraction or something to do while I'm watching a show or something else, then maybe the activity isn't really holding my interest in the first place.

How much joy do I honestly get out of snacking?  I'm not sure.  It satisfies me in the ways that eating generally satisfies me.  It makes me feel full.  It helps fill a void.  It keeps me occupied.  Is that enough?  I'm thinking no...  I think I will trade the satisfaction of snacking for a more meaningful fulfillment.

Dancing with my Daughter

Last night at my niece's wedding I did something incredibly brave.  I got on the dance floor and danced.  My daughter was dancing completely alone on the floor.  Most guests were just hanging out or in the photo booth.  She was dancing with such abandon.  I urged my husband to go out and dance with her.  He kept refusing.  I wanted so badly to just go out there and dance with her.  But what about my knees?  I haven't danced in years.  I'm also very self-conscious about how fat I am.

But I got up and danced.  I walked out onto that dance floor and danced with my daughter.  Other people joined us, but I got up there.  At first it was awkward for me.  I mean I probably look like crap while I dance.  I felt a little embarrassed.  At the same time I really wanted to dance, and I was having fun with my daughter.  So I decided who cares if everyone thinks I'm too fat to be on the dance floor!  Most likely nobody gives a rat's ass about me!  I let go.  I had fun.  And I absolutely don't regret it.

I danced with my daughter last night!

Initial Consultation

Yay!  My first major step has been taken--I had my initial consultation with my bariatric surgeon this morning :)

I qualify for the surgery and I have scheduled my surgery date for Monday, August 31, 2015!  They gave me a packet of information to go through and I also received my pre-op diet food, which I will eat for the two weeks prior to my surgery.  I still have to have my psychological appointment, and then my pre-op tests (1-2 weeks prior) and finally I will need the okay from my regular doctor before the surgery.

I will be self-pay and I'm having it done through the program at Woman's Hospital in Baton Rouge.  My total cost will be $14,800.

Here are the results from the Body Composition Analyzer at the surgeon's office:
Weight 254.0 lb
BMI 46.5
BMR 7804 kJ/ 1865 kcal
Impedance 393
Fat% 50.5%
Fat Mass 128.51 lb
FFM (Fat Free Mass) 125.51 lb
TBW (Total Body Water) 92.01 lb
Desirable Fat% Range 23-34%
Desirable Fat Mass Range 37.5-64.5 lb

I also took a little time this morning to take body measurements:
Neck 16.5"
Upper Arm 21.5"
Wrist 7.25"
Bust 52.5"
Chest 47"
Waist 51.5"
Hips 57"
Thigh 27.5"
Calf 17.75"

I may have gone a bit overboard with the measurements, but I figured that I would rather track too much information than not enough.

Here are my current clothing sizes:
Tops/Dresses 22/24 (or 3X)
Pants 22/24
Bra ~44 B/C
Panties 9/10
Shoes 8.5-9 M

Finally, I took some "Before" pictures.  I figured today is my first round of information.  I will follow-up when I start my pre-op diet and then the day of surgery.  From there we shall see!  I'm more excited than nervous today, but I'm sure I will experience a wide array of emotions!

Sitting In My Discomfort

So I have the desire to eat.  But I feel absolutely full--I’ve been drinking water all day and I feel stuffed and full.  I know I am not hungry.  But I want to eat.  I want something to munch on.  So why do I want to eat?  I guess I like to eat when I am bored.  I’m also depressed about my job, so there’s probably some emotional eating issues there too.  I’m tired; I know eating will give me a bit of energy.

Instead I’m sitting here and just letting myself want the food.  I am not going to eat--I’m full.  I’m uncomfortable.  Let me just sit here and be uncomfortable.

I am not ready to change all my habits.  I’m not ready to go overboard just yet.  But I want to make small changes and small choices.  I’m drinking water.  That’s my first step.  One small step at a time.

Starting My Commitment to Change

Even though I won't be having my surgery for a number of months, I have started a few changes.  I intend to gradually change some of my behaviors to make things slightly easier for me once I have weight loss surgery.  I think if I wait to make any changes it will just make it that much harder to deal with such a huge change in my life.

1.  Water
I have switched to drinking water almost exclusively.  I will freely admit that I do drink a coke every once in a while when we are out for dinner.  At home I drink water exclusively.  I've also been getting in a whole lot of water.  I have a Hydro Flask that I keep filled all the time.  I find that I honestly don't miss soft drinks that much.  I'm also finding that when I do get coke somewhere, I don't always finish it.  One recommendation I've read about prepping for the surgery is to stop drinking carbonated drinks and caffeine two months before the surgery.  I have a head start on this and so I think this will be easier for me to give up.

2.  Walking/Swimming
I have started to walk a couple of times per week.  I know it doesn't sound like much.  I find that I have a tendency to overdo it and then get injured or have my knees achy and swollen.  So I'm taking it slow when I'm in pain.  I also have been getting in the pool and moving around nearly every day recently.  I don't swim laps yet, but I try to make sure I'm walking in the pool or moving around.  My goal will be to go walking consistently--even if it's only for 10 minutes.

3.  Eating at Home
I've been trying to eat at home a lot more often lately.  My job in the spring was incredibly stressful and exhausting.  I had more than a few 70-80 hour weeks.  I was just not going to cook.  So we ate out a lot.  Now that things have settled down at work, I have a lot more time to cook and get groceries.  I haven't really changed my portions or gone way out of my way to eat healthier.  But honestly I am eating healthier than I was.  I will reach for string cheese and pita chips rather than get fast food.  I do eat out and I do get fast food, but it's not constant like it has been in the past.  This will be an area I have to continue to work on.  This should also help my finances :)

4.  General Health
I'm also trying to take this opportunity to start taking better care of myself in general.  I saw my OB/GYN and had my first mammogram!  I went to the dentist for the first time in 22 years.  I actually take pretty good care of my teeth so I didn't have any cavities or issues.  I am going to schedule a deep under gums cleaning at some point.  I also bought a waterpik because I hate thread floss.  I'm going to have a sleep study done soon.  I'm also looking for a new counselor/therapist.  So I am trying to think about my well being and health in general.

I will keep you updated on my progress!

Why Weight Loss Surgery?

I wanted to take some time to put this down on paper so to speak.  I know that this will be a common question for me over the next year or two.  Although I know why and have even articulated it to my husband in bits and pieces, I want a more comprehensive explanation.  I want to be prepared when I get asked, because I know I will get asked.

Why weight loss surgery?

It's a drastic step, isn't it?  I plan to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG), and they will take away the majority of my stomach.  It is permanent.

I am morbidly obese.  My BMI is currently 46.  I have tried to lose the weight many times.  I have even succeeded in small amounts and even once a large amount of 33 pounds.  Ultimately I gain it back.  I don't keep up with the super restrictions of diets.  I ultimately fail at the diet, gain back the weight, and feel depressed that I have failed yet again.

The research I have read more or less says that for morbidly obese people, diet and exercise alone does not work.  We have so much weight to lose and when we fail we gain back the weight and usually some extra weight.  Research also shows that weight loss surgery often gives us a chance--a tool--to lose the weight and have a fighting chance of keeping it off.

I want that fighting chance.  My knees have major issues--even walking can be painful and exhausting.  I have started having issues with sleeping at night.  I am going to have a sleep study to find out if I have sleep apnea.  I get migraines.  I have some stomach issues in general.  I fight with depression and anxiety.  To some degree, I believe that all of these are linked to my obesity.

To reach a "normal" BMI, I would have to lose about 125 pounds--about half my body weight.  That is a lot and it's exhausting and terrifying to even think about how hard that will be.  I don't know if I am capable of it without some help.  I know for me, that I need something drastic to help me make changes.  I need to break down my relationship with food.  Food and eating are involved in every social and emotional aspect of my life.  I don't know if I can just pretend that I can ever have a healthy relationship with food.  I believe that I am probably addicted to food.  Unlike other addictions, I cannot possibly abstain from eating.  So how can I lose the weight (without completely giving up hope and failing horribly) and drastically change my relationship with food?  Weight loss surgery is my answer.

So how will weight loss surgery help me?  I will be having a VSG, which means they will remove most of my stomach.  For VSG, they don't reroute your intestines so I don't have to worry about malabsortion.  My stomach will start out only holding about 2 ounces.  Over the course of the first year, my stomach will heal and stretch out to hold about 8 ounces.  It will force me to eat very small portions.  Because I won't be able to eat a lot, I will have to concentrate on my protein intake.  I won't be able to eat my trigger foods (the foods that make me want to overeat) because they will fill up my stomach too quickly and make me feel sick.  This means that I will get rid of all trigger foods (simple carbs) completely.  My husband has agreed that there will be no more trigger foods in our house ever again once I start.

Another piece of this is that when they remove so much of your stomach, they remove the hunger hormone, ghrelin.  This means that I will not experience physical hunger the same way ever again.  Although I may still have to battle mental hunger and cravings, I will no longer actually feel physical hunger.

What all this means is that weight loss surgery is a tool to help me get a jump start on my weight loss.  Ultimately I still have to do all the work.  I still have to overcome my cravings and emotional desire for food.  I will have to eat tiny portions and avoid my trigger foods.  I will have to start exercising and doing the right thing.

How do I know I will succeed?

I don't know.  But the research says that for VSG patients, the majority will lose and keep off 40%-80% of their excess weight even five years post-op.  Even if we look at the smaller end of that statistic, that is more than enough to get me out of morbid obesity and make me feel so much better.  Another piece of this is that I will be paying for this surgery out of pocket.  It costs about $15,000.  That is a huge investment, and it has taken me a couple of years to save it up.  I'm terrified of spending that kind of money.  I refuse to waste that money.  It is an investment in me.  I cannot allow myself to screw it up.

So that's it.  This is an individual decision.  It isn't for everyone.  It's not the easy way out--it's expensive, scary, painful.  I also still have to do all the work.  I have to eat right and exercise.  This is just a tool to help me tremendously by taking away my hunger, forcing small portions, and getting me on the right track way more quickly than I could do on my own.

So Much Has Happened

I had a horrible semester.  I was transferred to a new position, and I felt isolated and abandoned.  I was overwhelmed with work and I felt very taken for granted.  I didn't even get thanked for all the extra time and effort I put into it.

So I became pretty damn depressed.  I think this was some of my worst depression in many years.  The bright side is that I endured it--and I didn't skip work (which used to be a big problem with my depression).  At one point I even started having chest pains from the anxiety I was feeling.  My blood pressure sky-rocketed.  But I've come  back down to earth and I've been enjoying being at home more this summer.

I may also have good news about my job by the end of this week.  I may be getting my old job back--which is absolutely amazing!

I have also been working hard to save up and get ready for my weight loss surgery.  I have been planning to have a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  My hope was that I could have the surgery by the end of this year.  I will turn 41 at the end of the year and I wanted to start my journey before 41.  I have done so much research and reading.  I know this is what I want to do for myself.  This is not the right choice for everyone, but it is the right choice for me.  I was feeling a little discouraged because I will be self-pay for the surgery, and it's a lot of money to save up.  But I am getting so close!  Plus, I just found out that I may qualify for financing part of it!

So I finally reached out to my surgeon of choice.  I filled out the initial paperwork, and they contacted me about coming in for my initial consult.  My appointment is June 26!

I want so badly to start now--to schedule my surgery for this summer.  But I have to be patient and wait.  I can't take that much time off from work right now.  Plus we have a couple of vacations planned and I wouldn't be able to fit it in there and be able to recover in time.  My in-laws are taking the whole family to Hawaii and it's not something I could get out of even if I wanted to.  (And don't get me wrong--I am incredibly thankful for this opportunity.  It's not something we would otherwise be able to afford)

My intention is to begin the process and make plans to have the surgery going into Thanksgiving week.  That would mean I wouldn't have to take much time off from work.  When I do return to work, we will be in our "slow" time of the year so I will have a more restful time at work.  Also, that gives me about a month of recovery before Christmas.  I had my last knee surgery over Christmas and I mostly had to miss out on the holiday.  Yes, that means that my holidays will suck as far as eating.  The good news is that I won't be hungry, and that soon post-op I wouldn't be able to eat all the junk even if I tried.

So things are looking up...

Louisiana2Step Review

I completed the Louisiana 2 Step!

It was pretty easy to do.  You log in daily for two weeks.  You answer three questions every day--how many ounces of water did you drink, how much sleep did you get, and how many minutes did you walk the day before?  Each day it gives a little lesson on different aspects of health.  Sometimes there’s a little quiz, but it’s nothing terribly difficult or stressful.  The website is colorful and easy to use.

It was kind of fun to use, and it certainly didn’t feel like a big commitment.  Here are the results of my data:

So that’s all well and good.  From there, it sends you to register with myLA2step.com.  And so I did.  It was not nearly as nice and pretty and easy.  It kept rejecting my registration.  It also never allowed me to input my email address.  I finally gave up and when I tried to return to take a screenshot… it wouldn’t let me back in and it wouldn’t let me register.  Oh joy.  Plus, when I went to check out the current reward opportunities it said there were none being offered at this time.  Hmmmm.  Well that sucks.  Not that I was expecting much.  But it would have been nice to have a printable certificate or something.  Maybe a free pedometer?  A coupon for some yogurt?  But nope.  So I may try to check it out again at some point, but I won’t be in any hurry.

"Happy Plate"

So I have decided to redefine “Happy Plate”

I’ve been writing in my journal that I have been leaving food behind on my plate and not leaving a “happy plate” behind.  I think most of us think of a happy plate as a clean plate--a plate that we have eaten all the food off of.  And as I kept writing that in my journal, it started bothering me.  I didn’t like that that is the message that I have been taking about food.  That’s also the message I have been giving my own children.  You can’t be happy unless you eat every bit of food off your plate.

What makes me happy (or at least happier) lately, is for my plate to not be empty--for food to be left behind.  From this day forward, in my family, a “happy plate” will now be a plate that has food left on it.  We will eat until we are comfortably full and not a bite more.  THAT is a happy plate and a happy tummy.

Believing in Myself

What's stopping me from moving forward?  It can be so frustrating and confusing to feel that I'm ready to move forward and ready to change, but then to keep standing still.  I'm trying to be very aware of myself--how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, why I'm doing or not doing something, how I'm interacting with food.  I'm beginning to take small steps--walking, physical therapy, drinking water.  I'm journaling my thoughts and feelings about food and eating, and acknowledging the small victories and accomplishments in my life.  And it's wonderful.  But it never seems like enough.

I'm trying to be satisfied and happy with my level of progress.  What I want, though, is to be there already.  I want to be eating right and exercising and confident and happy.  Now.  I don't want to wait months or even years to be where I want to be.  I know it sounds ridiculous--I'm being unreasonable.  Rationally, I understand that change takes time, and often the rushing is what gets me in trouble.  I eventually give up because I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes.  So I'm trying to be patient.

I'm not perfect.  And that's okay.  No really--it's okay.  And yes I'm working on convincing myself of that.  But part of me believes it.  So I need to hold on to that part of me.  I need to keep saying the good things that part of me believes about myself.  I need to keep celebrating the little awesome things that I am doing every day to bring me closer to the life I want to live.  I need to keep drinking water and going for walks and journaling and physical therapy.  I need to keep that up, because that is success.  Success isn't all or nothing.  Success is waking up every morning.  Success is moving forward--even if I take a step backwards sometimes.

I want to believe in myself.  I want to do this.  It will not be easy.  And even though I feel alone, I am not.  I know that there are so many people out there that struggle with these same issues--and many people struggle with worse.

Things I'm celebrating today:

1. Drinking water.
2. Journaling about my thoughts and feelings.
3. Physical Therapy
4. Walking
5. I am trying.  I am succeeding in many things, even when I make mistakes here or there.  I am trying to believe in myself, and sometimes I do!

Keep it up!

WANT! Misfit Shine

I was looking for a pedometer, and I stumbled across this:

The Misfit Shine.

It’s kind of like a Fitbit, but look how pretty it is!  They also have different accessories for it--like a leather watch band, a sports necklace, and a beautiful silver necklace.  I am in love with this.  We sent back our Fitbits a while back because of the recall on the Fitbit Force.  I was planning on just getting a regular pedometer…  But now I’m going to save up for the Misfit Shine.

I’m leaning towards the Jet, but boy is the Topaz pretty!

Fitbit Aria Review

As I begin this momentous weight loss journey, I knew I wanted a really good scale to help keep me on track.  I did a lot of research to see what was out there.  I wanted something that would hold up well and would track my weight.

The Fitbit Aria is a beautiful scale that comes in white or black.  It’s very sleek, and I don’t mind it sitting out in the open in my bathroom.  I bought the black one on Amazon for about $125.  I already had a Fitbit account and app from when I had a Fitbit Force.  Once you link your Aria to your account, you can setup your users.  You can have up to 8 specific users for the scale.  Anyone can use the scale and it will just show up as a “guest,” but those users you set up will be recognized by the scale.  The scale will track your weight and loss/gain through both the app and online as long as you have it set up on a wireless account.

The Aria does a good job of remembering us.  We only set up two users, but it works well for us.  The Aria also tracks body fat percentage, but I’m kind of up in the air on how accurate I think that part of it is.  The reviews are also mixed on that point.  I’m not terribly worried about that though.  My biggest interest is that it tracks my weight, my loss, and is easy to use.  I don’t have to write down my weight--it automatically uploads everything for me.

The website allows you to see your weight on charts, which is nice.  You can also earn badges and connect with friends if you are brave enough to share!

I don’t know if the Fitbit Aria is the best wifi scale on the market, but I really like it.  It’s attractive, and it does exactly what I need it to do.

What's the Use?

There are days when I wonder why I’m even trying to save up for this surgery.  It isn’t that I don’t want to have it--the problem is that it’s so freaking expensive.  I’m not rolling in the money.  I have actually only recently been able to feel confident in making ends meet.  Surgery will cost about $16,000.  How the hell do I come up with $16,000???  So, okay my thought was to start saving.  That’s a great idea, right?

Except it hasn’t even started happening yet.  My husband is waiting for his promotion, which will help tremendously.  But it still doesn’t seem reachable--not for the foreseeable future.  I feel like I can put a decent amount aside for savings (as long as we can manage to stick to a food budget!), however I really believe that there are more important things for the money to go towards.  First of all, we desperately need an emergency fund.  We only have one vehicle and when it breaks down it can be devastating for us.  So we also need a second car.  If we save like crazy then we might be able to buy a car by Christmas--unless we have an emergency.

My original hope was to be able to have the surgery during one of my two breaks in the spring.  That way I won’t have to miss too much work.  But that won’t happen if I can’t save up more than my budget allows.  So now we’re talking Christmas of 2015 for the surgery.

There are still a couple of possibilities which would help with this.  We may get a large Christmas gift from hubby’s family.  And with my husband’s (hopefully!) new job, he may have an opportunity to work a lot of overtime.  If those things both happen, then spring may still be on the table.

So I won’t give up.  Not yet.  But I will also start preparing myself that it could be another year or two before this surgery happens.  I’m trying to learn patience, but this will certainly be a test for me.

Kickstarter: kGoal

I love Kickstarter.  I have seen so many awesome projects come through KS.  My most recent find is called kGoal.  The kGoal is a device to help women do Kegel exercises correctly.  Kegel exercises help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.  There are two main reasons for doing Kegel exercises--increase in sexual health/pleasure, and to help prevent stress incontinence.  

If you are an obese female, especially if you’ve had children, then you probably know all about stress incontinence.  That’s when you pee a little when you sneeze, cough, or laugh really hard.  It sucks and it’s horribly embarrassing--even if no one knows.  I think it’s something that most of us don’t talk about it; I know I don’t.  But it happens.  And I hate it.  I’ve tried to do Kegel exercises before, but I have a tendency to forget, and I usually end up giving up.

And in walks the kGoal!  The kGoal is a Kegel device with an app that actually lets you know if you’re doing the exercise correctly!  Yay!  It also gives a little vibration when you do it correctly, so there’s extra fun.  The early bird Kickstarter tier is all sold out, but you can still sign up for the Kickstarter and get a kGoal for $125.  The Kickstarter ends on Monday, August 4 at 7:57 p.m.  The company is expecting to sell them for $175 retail, so the discount is good if you get on board with the Kickstarter.

They are expecting to ship them out by the end of the year.  So I will try to review the device once it’s in my… hands :)

iPhone App Review: Waterlogged

I started using this app on 7/8/2014 to keep track of my water intake.  The Louisiana 2 Step challenge asks me how many ounces of water I’m drinking every day, and I also know that drinking water is one of the best steps I can take towards better health.  In the past, I have used my SparkPeople app and account to track water intake.  I wanted to have an app that just tracked water, so I stumbled across Waterlogged.

Waterlogged is pretty straightforward.  You tap on the empty water bottle on the screen and then you log each time you drink water.  You can even take a picture of the water bottle (or glass) you use--that way you don’t have to remember how many ounces are in that particular bottle.  You just log it in.  Very simple and straightforward.

The app also allows you to set goals.  You can tell it how many ounces you want to drink that day, what time you want to start and finish by.  The screen tells you how much water you’ve had so far, as well as what your goal should be by a particular time in order to meet your goal.  There’s a graphing chart and even a map feature if you want to track where you are drinking water.

There’s a reward feature from kiip, but I’m not really using it.  There is a premium version too.  You can also connect with your Facebook account or connect to your Fitbit if you have one.  All in all, I really like Waterlogged and I would highly recommend it if you are interested in tracking your water intake.  If you have another tracking app that also tracks water, then Waterlogged probably isn’t necessary.  The basic app is free (yay!)--you can unlock reminders for $3.99 and get a lifetime subscription for $2.99.  I find that the free version works just fine for my purposes.

Fitness & Motivation

One thing I’ve learned from all my research and all my soul searching is that I can’t wait to live my life.  I want to have the surgery, and I want to lose the weight.  Wouldn’t it be easier to lose the weight before I start to do things?  Yes and no.  I have a tendency to wait for “the right time” instead of making now the right time.  There will always be something I’m waiting for.  And I don’t want to keep pushing back my life.  I want to live.  Now.  And although I can’t do everything I want to do right now, or be everything I want to be right now, it doesn’t mean that I can’t do anything or be anything.

So I am working on figuring out what things I can do now.  Physical therapy to help my knees is one thing I am doing right now.  Another step I’ve taken is to create a food budget.  We eat out--a lot!  And that gets expensive.  So we have tried to stay within a food budget this pay period.  

Fitness is another area I feel like I’m ready to (slowly!) start tackling.  I don’t want to go too crazy, but I do want to make a start.  The physical therapy is one way I’m getting some exercise.  I would also like to start walking.

I will start walking today.  I brought my shoes to work.  I will probably take a 15 minute walk at my lunch break.  I need to start slow and be consistent.  So now I’m looking at ways to keep myself motivated.  I like to be able to track things, but I want it to be fun and motivating.  So I’ve joined a couple of challenges:

Louisiana 2 Step:  This is an online program in Louisiana, sponsored by Blue Cross & Blue Shield.  They make suggestions for eating healthier and moving more.  You track what you did the day before in very simple ways.  Supposedly you can even win prizes.  You don’t have to be a Blue Cross/Blue Shield member to join the challenge.

The President’s Challenge:  Do you remember the President’s Physical Fitness Challenge you participated in at school?  Well this is through the same initiative, but for individuals.  You sign up online and then log your activities.  There are a couple of different challenges you can choose from.  You can be eligible for awards too, but you have to pay for them once you qualify for them.  I like the idea of earning medals, and it may be enough to motivate me.  My children are also planning to participate, and I thought it would be a neat way for us to motivate and support each other through the challenge.

I’m also trying out a few apps and games to keep me motivated.  I will try them out and then maybe review a few of them.