Believing in Myself

What's stopping me from moving forward?  It can be so frustrating and confusing to feel that I'm ready to move forward and ready to change, but then to keep standing still.  I'm trying to be very aware of myself--how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, why I'm doing or not doing something, how I'm interacting with food.  I'm beginning to take small steps--walking, physical therapy, drinking water.  I'm journaling my thoughts and feelings about food and eating, and acknowledging the small victories and accomplishments in my life.  And it's wonderful.  But it never seems like enough.

I'm trying to be satisfied and happy with my level of progress.  What I want, though, is to be there already.  I want to be eating right and exercising and confident and happy.  Now.  I don't want to wait months or even years to be where I want to be.  I know it sounds ridiculous--I'm being unreasonable.  Rationally, I understand that change takes time, and often the rushing is what gets me in trouble.  I eventually give up because I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes.  So I'm trying to be patient.

I'm not perfect.  And that's okay.  No really--it's okay.  And yes I'm working on convincing myself of that.  But part of me believes it.  So I need to hold on to that part of me.  I need to keep saying the good things that part of me believes about myself.  I need to keep celebrating the little awesome things that I am doing every day to bring me closer to the life I want to live.  I need to keep drinking water and going for walks and journaling and physical therapy.  I need to keep that up, because that is success.  Success isn't all or nothing.  Success is waking up every morning.  Success is moving forward--even if I take a step backwards sometimes.

I want to believe in myself.  I want to do this.  It will not be easy.  And even though I feel alone, I am not.  I know that there are so many people out there that struggle with these same issues--and many people struggle with worse.

Things I'm celebrating today:

1. Drinking water.
2. Journaling about my thoughts and feelings.
3. Physical Therapy
4. Walking
5. I am trying.  I am succeeding in many things, even when I make mistakes here or there.  I am trying to believe in myself, and sometimes I do!

Keep it up!