Leaning Into the Fire

I'm tired and it's Halloween, so I'm going to make this very brief.  I wanted to share a collage based on "leaning into the fire"--a concept in Martha's Beck's "Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny."  She talks about really allowing yourself to experience the feelings of the now when you're in pain or in crisis.  Sometimes you have to be in that moment and fully accepting of the pain, of the fire, in order to move beyond it.  So you should lean into the fire.  My husband and I call it riding the fuckwave.  It's when you just hang on for the ride--live in it and don't try to control it.  Just be and let it be.  So here's my very small, brief version of leaning into the fire:

Now I'm going to go enjoy an evening with my daughter.  Maybe I can convince her to watch a scary movie with me.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Book Review: Exodus from Obesity

I just finished reading "Exodus from Obesity: 2nd Edition" by Paula Peck.  Peck had gastric bypass surgery over a decade ago and offers a lot of good information about weight loss surgery and recovery.  She includes a healthy mixture of research, experience, and support.  Mostly, Peck is very positive in her writing, and the book made for an easy read.

I read the Kindle version, however, which had some weird formatting.  I was able to borrow it for free from the Kindle Lending Library so the problems didn't bother me as much as they would have if I had paid for the book.  The book is well worth reading--there is great advice for both pre- and post-op, but the book price is a little steep in my opinion.  The paperback is $17.95 and the Kindle is $9.99.  I'm assuming the errors are present in the paid Kindle version.

I particularly like how Peck encourages the reader to really take advantage of the Honeymoon and Golden stages (the first six months post-op, when weight loss comes very easily) to set up the good and healthy eating and exercise habits.  That way you are already eating right and exercising by the time your stomach stretches out some.  All in all I thought Peck gives great advice.  I will definitely have to re-read this as I get closer to an actual surgery date, and I would recommend it to anyone thinking of having the surgery.

There was only one thing that kind of bothered me in the book.  In one chapter, Peck talks about dealing with food and the children in your family after weight loss surgery.  Some people feel that children may feel deprived without access to goodies.  Peck thinks that people should work on defining what love means to themselves and their families--love should not revolve around food.  Okay.  I understand, and yes, I can agree.  I was bothered a little though because I don't think it's always that simple.  My children overeat.  It's a problem, and one I am working on with them.  I don't like junk food in the house for their sake more than mine.  But it's kind of crappy to imply that I am letting food act as a substitute for my love for them.  I love my children very much, and they don't need cake and ice cream to prove that.  I have to admit though that I tend to be overly sensitive about my parenting, so maybe the problem isn't what Peck said but my perception of what Peck said.  What do you think?

Regardless, I would highly recommend "Exodus from Obesity: 2nd Edition"  Check it out from Amazon:

Are there any books about obesity, depression, or weight loss surgery you'd recommend?

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Progress...

I made some progress today.  I saw my primary care physician to talk about my depression and my obesity.  This was my first time seeing this doctor since I have a new insurance.  He was actually very nice and supportive.  I didn't feel judged, which is a huge relief.  I am starting on Wellbutrin and Topamax.  I have been on both in the past, and I think they are a good combo for me.  Wellbutrin is an anti-depressant and Topamax acts as a mood stabilizer.  I'm very excited.  I've been living in some darkness lately, and although I hate to rely on medication, I think a good portion of my problem is chemical.  The doctor mentioned that with all the ups and downs I've had with depression, that I may need to take medication to maintain my emotional equilibrium.

We also talked about my obesity.  I told him about my knee problems and how I probably need knee surgery, but I'm terrified of how difficult the recovery would be at my current weight.  I let him know that my insurance does not cover anything obesity related.  He said he understood and that it's disappointing how many insurance companies won't cover it.  He actually brought up weight loss surgery and said that he certainly wasn't pushing it, but that it may be a viable option down the road.  It sounded to me like he might be willing to help me figure out a way to appeal through insurance for the surgery.  I guess we'll see.  My fat isn't going anywhere, so I have plenty of time before I need to make a decision.

I have really been enjoying "Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny" by Martha Beck.  Although she doesn't really suggest using art in her book, I have really found that using collage really helps me connect with what she's communicating.  I did a new collage last night on the theme of the "reptile" part of me agonizing and ruminating on my fears, and how from one perspective those fears may seem ridiculous.  So here is my piece with Toothless from "How to Train Your Dragon" as the reptile part of my brain, and some representations of some of my worst (and often irrational) fears (excuse the flash glare):

So here's hoping I can laugh at my reptile and these fears!  All in all, I'm feeling pretty good today.

Always Beautiful,

Kelly

Bariatric Bad Girls Club

I've been checking out a blog called "Melting Mama"--described as "Melting Mama's blog is often a too realistic (and often funny, snarky and blatantly honest!) look at long-term life after weight loss surgery, she and her husband both had gastric bypass surgery in 2004."  It's fairly interesting, but it's hard to find her story among all the other posts.  

One thing that particularly intrigued me was a kind of subtitle that reads, "Bariatric Bad Girls Club."  I checked it out and it's a facebook group for women who have been through bariatric surgery.  I have sent a request to join--hopefully I'll be able to find some conversations on how people have battled insurance.

Another thing I'd like to comment on is Melting Mama's most recent post.  She is at a convention this weekend and posted a picture looking down at her leg room in the airplane.  I flew this summer for the first time in many years and at my current size it was not a pleasant experience.  As a matter of fact I felt horribly embarrassed when I had to request seat belt extenders.  It was a new thing for me and I was so worried that everyone around me would notice and think bad things about me.  I know it's silly--why should anyone else care if I am too large for a "normal" seat belt?  I was just very aware of my size on the flights.  I guess there are secondary benefits to weight loss surgery that I don't tend to think of--like comfort while traveling.

Does anyone else have difficulties when you travel?  Besides plane seat belts, I sometimes have trouble with my car seat belt locking up on me because so much of the slack is taken out--it's especially a problem when I scoot the seat up.  I also have a lot of swelling in my knees, ankles and feet.  If I'm on a long trip I try to wear compression stockings.  What are some things you do to make travel more comfortable?

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Vertical Sleeve Experience

I'm in a sort of holding pattern right now while I wait to see doctors and while I continue to save up for the surgery.  But my interest in weight loss surgery is still really high, so I'm going to share some of the interesting sites and information I've found.

This morning I came across a site called "The Experience Project"--it's a place for people to post about their experiences in whatever.  There is a group for people who have had VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy).  You can click on each person's story to read about it, which is pretty cool.  On the right side bar there are also statistics on the experience--keep in mind these are statistics only for the 44 (at the time I looked at it) people who have posted their experience on this site:

"80% of people in this group believe this is a good experience. 90% of people in this group believe this experience makes them happy. 90% think this is an exciting experience. 100% think this is not a scary experience. 80% think this experience is hard. 90% say this is expensive. 90%believe that, if they had the choice, they would do it again. 100% think this is better experienced with others. 90% think they would recommend this to others. 

37% of people who have this experience are in their thirties, 29% are in their forties, and 27% are in their fifties. 100% of people who have this experience are women."

Very interesting!

I also wanted to share part of the email I received from Woman's Weight Loss Surgery Program.  The nurse was extremely kind and nonjudgmental, which I truly appreciated.  I have a lot of trust for Woman's Hospital and the program itself sounds really all-inclusive.  Here's what the nurse had to say:

Nutritional Services: We have a dedicated registered dietician to help you guide you through your changing needs after weight loss surgery.   Our goal is to help you lose the weight in a healthy way. Woman’s has developed a very detailed tool to complement what you are taught as an “at home resource.”  Many of our patients call it “The Food Bible.”

            Inpatient visit

            Outpatient Services

            Long term involvement through the support group

BLIS: Self pay patients, meaning paying for weight loss surgery without the assistance of health insurance, will enjoy the peace of mind of the BLIS program.  Woman’s and the majority of the program surgeons take part in the BLIS program which offers at least a 90 day post-operative insurance for any complication that may develop related to your weight loss surgery.  This benefit is built into the program and does require so much as a co-pay in the event BLIS utilized.  Ask your surgeon for details regarding your specific BLIS policy.

Active Support Group: Monthly meeting help keep you focused and on track for success.  We include topics and professional speakers of various disciplines, from exercise physiologists to cosmetic surgeons, all as requested by the group.  This is a free resource facilitated by a social worker, registered nurse and registered dietitian. You are welcome to visit the support group and learn from those that have already had surgery. They meet on the 2^nd Wednesday of each month at 6pm in conference room 3 at Woman’s Hospital. Visit our success gallery!

Supplements: We sell vitamins, protein powders, protein bars, books and more as a convenience for you in our tower gift shop.

Exercise Consultation: Because we know that lifestyle changes are hard to accomplish, we have a free consultation with an exercise physiologist to help you make goals and choose programs to fit your needs. The Wellness Center offers gym memberships and medically supervised individual and small group programs to guide you to your success and health.

Woman’s Hospital is dedicated to providing the tools you need to become the healthy, happy, energetic, satisfied woman you want to be and to help you take back control of your life.

I'm especially interested in the support group.  I had already decided that if I have weight loss surgery, I will need to get some kind of counseling and support--a support group is a fantastic idea!  I'm also very pleased about the BLIS insurance since I will almost certainly self pay.

So I will keep searching out information and interesting resources...

Always Beautiful,

Kelly

Beauty and Freedom

I have been on a sort of downward spiral this week.  I missed some work due to illness, but those absences have fed into my depression.  I've been thinking some pretty dark thoughts, and although I know I would never act on them, they still disturb and upset me.  I told my husband tonight that I feel like I'm drowning in my depression.  Although I have started to see a therapist, I have not had any luck finding a psychiatrist.  I know I should probably be on an antidepressant, but only one provider on my insurance is taking new clients--and she has no openings until late January.  I'm going to call and complain, but in the meantime I'm hoping my primary care physician can prescribe something.

I bought a couple of books earlier in the week and they arrived today.  I have "Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny" by Martha Beck, and "A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook" by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein. I'm hoping they will have something to help me find some peace in myself.  One of the activities in Beck's book asks about some things I want the most, and figuring out what feelings come from those things.  I won't go into the things I want, but the feelings I'm looking for include: freedom, control, safety, fun, satisfaction, excitement, love, support, not isolated, not constricted, beautiful.  I decided that I really wanted to do a collage tonight, so I took beauty and freedom from the list and came up with this:

I feel a little better right now.  I'm going to go relax before bed and hope that I wake up tomorrow feeling ready to go back to work and to get back into normal.  Being at home has been one of the worst things for my depression.  Work is good; it keeps me busy.

Remember to seek help if you are in a dark place.  Call a loved one, or call a hotline--don't wallow alone in it.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Calling Out a Bully

I saw this video a while back when it started making the rounds.  You've no doubt seen it, but I wanted to share it anyway.  It's worth watching twice.  WKBT news anchor, Jennifer Livingstone, spoke back against a bully who wrote a mean-spirited email to her about her weight.  I thought it was brilliant and I immediately shared it with my teen daughter:


Yay, Jennifer!  Thank you for speaking out against this.  You are beautiful--thank you for handling this with such poise and sincerity.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Art Therapy

I had my first session with a mental health professional tonight.  I've seen counselors and psychologists off and on for years.  It's been a little over a year since I've talked with someone.  Because I last saw someone as a student, I had to find someone covered by my insurance.  I decided to see if I could find someone who does art therapy.  I think I'm in a place where I want to do a lot of self-exploration and connecting with myself and I know art is a great medium for that.

It was hard for me to tell if this particular person will work out for me.  I've stuck with providers in the past, even when it wasn't a good fit, but this time I really want to find that healing relationship in therapy.  We mostly talked about why I was there and some of my mental health history.  I did get to do one art activity.  She gave me some type of foam modeling clay and asked me to create something to represent myself.  I made a flower.

I didn't have a lot of time, but I'm happy with it.  I chose a flower to represent beauty and vulnerability.  Multiple petals represent my many facets--each unique but all connected to the whole.  The flower is flawed, like me.  I chose green for rebirth and a green-blue just because I liked the color.  Purple tends to seem like a deep color to me, so it represented the depth of me.  Someone once told me I was "deep water"--that I am not shallow, that I am deep and with that kind of depth there is even some darkness.  It's all part of the whole for me.  The clay was white and I liked that it kind of represented a blank slate or perhaps something that I haven't uncovered yet for myself.

I find healing in art.  I can put myself into what I am doing with my hands and my mind.  If you haven't ever tried it I would highly recommend it.  Even if you just find something to do with your hands, or maybe manipulate some play-doh.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Depression Lies

I've mentioned that I have had issues with depression.  Although I probably had earlier episodes of depression, I was officially diagnosed during my freshman year in college.  I have struggled off and on my entire adult life.  I am much more able to cope with my depression now than I could even five years ago.  For many years I was worried that I wouldn't even be able to keep a full-time job.  In college, I would sometimes miss two or three weeks of classes in a semester.  I almost always managed to scrounge my life back together.

This past year or so I began to think that maybe I was past it.  My episodes were fewer and less severe, and I even began to think that maybe it was even gone.  Not so much.  And it frustrates me beyond belief.  I have a job that I actually enjoy and I can afford to pay my bills.  I don't mind waking up in the morning and going to work.  Except that I feel all messed up inside.  I've been crying a lot and feeling overwhelmed.  I've even been thinking about death.  Although I have been thinking about death and about escaping my life, the good news is that I don't want to die.  I have no intention of killing myself and I would never want to hurt my husband or children (or myself!) by committing suicide.  I just have these dark thoughts sometimes.

I am seeking help.  I have an appointment this evening with a mental health provider.  I am also going to look into getting back on medication.  I know that at this point some of it is purely chemical.  One thing that tends to help me is to remember that it will pass.  It won't last forever.  It will pass and I will come out on the other side.

If you've never heard of The Bloggess--Jenny Lawson--I would highly recommend that you check her out.  She is an amazing woman, witty and intelligent.  She always makes me laugh.  She talks about depression and her reminder is that "depression lies"--it warps your perception of your life and those around you.  It changes the way you see yourself, see others, see the world.  And it lies.  Here is Jenny herself:

If you want to check out more, you can find her blog at The Bloggess.  You can also check out her book, "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" at your local bookstore or online:

*** If you feel hopeless or are thinking about hurting yourself, please seek help.  If you don't know who to call, try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  You are not alone even though it may feel that way sometimes.

Always Beautiful,

Kelly

Conversations...

Last night I had the opportunity to talk to a friend of mine whose wife had VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy) a few years ago.  Their insurance wouldn't cover it so they self-paid for the surgery.  Although I had known about the surgery, I had never really asked them about it because I didn't want to appear rude. Being obese myself, I have to admit to feeling uncomfortable talking about my obesity, but I wanted to take this step forward.  I think that just like depression, obesity is one of those topics that people feel ashamed about or uncomfortable discussing.  I'm pretty sure the only way to begin tackling that is to begin the conversations.  So I asked my friend about his wife's experience.

Cici* struggled with obesity before she ever became an adult.  By the time she decided to have a VSG, she weighed about 300 pounds.  She had to jump through some hoops to have the surgery, including sessions with a mental health provider.  They used their flexible spending accounts when they paid for the surgery, which helped some.  At that time, the surgery was about $10,000.  Cici was unable to have the VSG laparoscopically, which meant that her initial recovery was more difficult.  The first two weeks were very painful and she was fairly immobile.  She also spent several weeks feeling tired.  The weight came off though, and she gradually became more energetic than she had ever been.  Cici is down to about 160, and she is full of energy.  Her husband also said that the biggest payoff, in his opinion, is her massively improved self-esteem and confidence.  He said that he's a worrier and he was concerned about her having the surgery, but now that he's seen how much it has helped her--he's a believer.

I'm definitely interested in other people's experiences and stories.  I know it will potential be years before I can have the surgery done.  The stories help me keep the hope alive that I too can live a pain-free life of energy and confidence!

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

*Name changed for privacy

Policy Exclusion

As I mentioned before, my health insurance has an exclusion clause for weight loss surgery.  I find it particularly interesting because the research studies I've read have persuasively shown that surgical weight loss is more cost-effective than non-surgical weight loss for severe obesity (Picot, et al, 2009).  I am still actively researching the benefits and consequences of bariatric surgery, however what I've found so far supports weight loss surgery for morbidly obese patients to treat both the obesity and the co-morbid issues--many of which are improved and sometimes resolved due to the weight loss after surgery.

I am currently employed full-time in a school district.  We currently use HMO Louisiana, which is a subsidiary of Blue Cross Blue Shield.  In the limitations and exclusions section of my benefit plan booklet, it states the following:

"Regardless of Medical Necessity, Benefits are not available for any of the following, except as specifically provided for in this Benefit Plan:
a. weight reduction programs;
b. removal of excess fat or skin, regardless of Medical Necessity, or services at a health spa or similar facility; or
c. obesity or morbid obesity, regardless of Medical Necessity."

So there you have it.  My question is, if the research points to the cost effectiveness of weight loss surgery, why will my HMO not cover the surgery?  I already have knee and joint issues, depression, high blood pressure, a history of heart disease, and insulin resistance.  Over my career I expect these issues to cost tens of thousands of dollars--if not hundreds of thousands of dollars.  At $15,000, I would think that bariatric surgery is an absolute deal if it will most likely significantly reduce my cost to my insurance company over the next 10-25 years.

Why not cover surgical weight loss when warranted?  My guess (but I would love to hear a different opinion--especially one backed up by research) is that society tends to place a lot of blame and disgust towards people who are obese.  People who have not experienced severe obesity don't always understand that it is not simply a problem of willpower or choice.  Do you honestly believe that I would choose to be this way?  Yes, sometimes I make poor choices.  For the most part, though, I try to make better choices.  I feel the self-doubt and pain of my own obesity.  I feel all the shame and disgust that others do towards me.  And I live in it every day of my life.  I do not want to be this way, and I have tried many, many, many times to be different, but nothing seems to work well for me.

I have an appointment to see my primary care physician in about a week and will address many of these concerns with him.  I will try to move forward with my insurance, even with the exclusion.  But even so I will also begin to save up for the procedure myself.  It is expensive to come out of pocket, and it will take me a long time to save it up, but I am worth it.  I know that inside of myself I am beautiful and I am worthy of being the person I really am.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Picot J, Jones J, Colquitt JL, Gospodarevskaya E, Loveman E, Baxter L, et al. The clinical effectiveness and cost-effectiveness of bariatric (weight loss) surgery for obesity: a systematic review and economic evaluation Health Technol Assess2009;13(41). [PubMed]

Weight Loss Surgery Program at Woman's Hospital

When I began my research into weight loss surgery, I came across the website for Woman's Hospital's weight loss surgery program.  I've always been a big fan of Woman's Hospital in Baton Rouge--I was born there, had both my children there, and even had my hysterectomy done there.  I have always been pleased by how I was treated at the hospital.  Although I will look into other programs for cost comparisons, in the end I am pretty sure I will end up using Woman's program.  I can't imagine trusting such an important surgery to any other hospital.

One thing I was really impressed with is that they included some price estimates.  Ultimately it depends on the physician a person chooses, but I was so excited to not get the run around on this!  A major pet peeve of mine is when I am looking to pay for an item or a service and can't find the price online.  It's a major turn-off to me, and I will go out of my way to choose someone who is up front with me on price.

I went ahead and filled out the information form and was quickly replied to via email.  The nurse who emailed me was very helpful.  She sent me some basic information about the three types of surgery offered through the program.  She also sent me contact information for the physicians in the program.  I let her know that I had insurance questions and although the answer disappointed me, the nurse was extremely kind to me.  I did not feel judged--instead I felt welcomed and very supported.

I have signed up for Woman's information seminar on November 1.  I'm looking forward to finding out more about their program.  In the meantime, I've viewed all their videos.  If you're interested, check out the program on Woman's website or the videos on Woman's YouTube channel.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Initial Stats

Here are my stats as of 10/19/2012:

Weight 246 lbs

Height 5'1"

BMI 46.5

Breasts 51"

Waist 48.5"

Hips 54.5"

Arms 21"

Legs 28"

My Journey So Far

I've been obese for most of my adult life.  I married fairly young, at 20, and I had gained a little around that time.  By then I had already struggled a bit with some mild depression and some chronic knee problems.  I wasn't terribly overweight until after my first child was born.  I was 22 and we were living below poverty level at that time as full-time college students.  We didn't even have insurance or full-time jobs.  My husband joined the Army to try and make a better life for us all.  We were stationed in Germany for two years and those years were pretty hellish for me.  My husband was gone most of the time.  He'd leave for training weeks at a time--months if he was deployed.  I was alone, in a foreign country, with an infant.  I fell into a deep depression.  I became addicted to the internet and lived a very sedentary life.  I became mildly obese, but my depression was crippling.  To make things even worse, I re-injured my knee and I've never fully recovered from that injury.

After returning to the states and leaving the military life, my depression became a kind of constant background noise in my life.  It flares up sometimes and it's a kind of monster in the closet, but I move forward as best I can.  I had my second child and with my knee injury I was unable to really exercise.  The weight just slowly gained.

Since then, both knees have become major problems.  I had a tibial osteotomy on my right knee about four years ago--I feel much more secure with that knee now, but I still experience swelling and pain.  I dislocated my left knee last summer and I know I'm overdue for surgery on it.  I'm terrified of having surgery with my current weight.  The recovery for the last surgery was painful and extremely unpleasant, and I was about 25 pounds lighter then.

I also had some complications with my menstrual cycle and we discovered that I had a problem that has a strong potential to lead to cancer.  I had a total hysterectomy two years ago, and the biopsy showed stage 1 endometrial cancer.  I also continue to have issues with depression, although they aren't debilitating like they used to be.  The episodes ebb and flow and I usually come out of them more quickly and with less destruction in the wake.

I've continued to try to lose weight.  I've followed diets religiously, tried counseling, and saw a dietician.  I've also tried walking, which is about the only exercise I can handle at all.  I get winded very quickly, which is fine.  What's not fine is the moderate knee pain afterwards--sometimes for days.  What's worse is the clicking, popping, and weakness (instability?) I feel in my left knee afterwards.  I keep waiting for another dislocation, which terrifies me.  I'm scared to do anything that even resembles exercise.

So that's kind of my history.  I have failed with traditional diets and exercise.  My obesity exacerbates my depression and knee problems.  There are times that I am disgusted with myself and even hate myself.  I'm sure there are many people who would tell me to suck it up and eat less, move more.  It's time that I let go of what other people think I should do, and do something for myself.  So I have decided to have weight loss surgery.  My health insurance not only does not cover weight loss surgery, it has an exclusion clause specifically against any medical weight loss.  It upsets and infuriates me.  My insurance would rather pay for the all the problems my obesity will cause than for surgery to prevent it from happening.  I'm looking for ways around that, and I will keep you informed of my progress.

In the meantime, I am saving up my money to pay for the surgery myself.  It will be very slow going. I estimate that I can save up the money within the next two and half years, but I am setting a slightly closer goal than that.  I will turn 40 years old in December of 2014--two years and two months from now.  My goal is to have my surgery by the time I turn 40.  I don't want to spend another decade the way I have spent the last two.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Carrying Beautiful

So... naturally this is my first blog post at "Carrying Beautiful."  I struggled with the name a bit--so many names I thought of have already been taken.  I was recently looking at some treasured quotes and came across this one from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."

I think, especially at this time in my life, it strikes a chord deep inside me.  This blog, read or unread, is my small corner of the interwebs for me to share my journey towards a new, truer me.

I am fat.  Yeah, it's not nice to say.  It's even worse to be.  I am morbidly obese, although not as large as some.  I've struggled with just about every diet you can think of--and been successful with many of them.  The weight always comes back.  So does the shame.  I don't always think about my obesity; I'm often able to spend hours and days not thinking about it.  When I look in the mirror, someone else looks back--I don't relate to the person I see there.  She is not me.  When I see pictures of myself, I'm shocked at what I see.  Where did this stranger come from?  Why do I occupy her skin?  There is so much (and less) of me than the person I appear to be.

And I want out.

I want the inner me to be the one that others see.  I'm tired of fighting a lost battle.  I know this decision isn't for everyone, but I have decided to have weight loss surgery.  Of course, my insurance doesn't cover it--after all, it's my fault that I'm morbidly obese, right?  My fatness is a choice I made and continue to make every single day of my life, right?  I don't think it's that simple.  Regardless, I am going to fight for this and my goal is to have the surgery done by the time I turn 40--in 26 months.  Join my journey if you care to.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly