So... naturally this is my first blog post at "Carrying Beautiful." I struggled with the name a bit--so many names I thought of have already been taken. I was recently looking at some treasured quotes and came across this one from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."
I think, especially at this time in my life, it strikes a chord deep inside me. This blog, read or unread, is my small corner of the interwebs for me to share my journey towards a new, truer me.
I am fat. Yeah, it's not nice to say. It's even worse to be. I am morbidly obese, although not as large as some. I've struggled with just about every diet you can think of--and been successful with many of them. The weight always comes back. So does the shame. I don't always think about my obesity; I'm often able to spend hours and days not thinking about it. When I look in the mirror, someone else looks back--I don't relate to the person I see there. She is not me. When I see pictures of myself, I'm shocked at what I see. Where did this stranger come from? Why do I occupy her skin? There is so much (and less) of me than the person I appear to be.
And I want out.
I want the inner me to be the one that others see. I'm tired of fighting a lost battle. I know this decision isn't for everyone, but I have decided to have weight loss surgery. Of course, my insurance doesn't cover it--after all, it's my fault that I'm morbidly obese, right? My fatness is a choice I made and continue to make every single day of my life, right? I don't think it's that simple. Regardless, I am going to fight for this and my goal is to have the surgery done by the time I turn 40--in 26 months. Join my journey if you care to.
Always Beautiful,
Kelly
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