Progress...

I made some progress today.  I saw my primary care physician to talk about my depression and my obesity.  This was my first time seeing this doctor since I have a new insurance.  He was actually very nice and supportive.  I didn't feel judged, which is a huge relief.  I am starting on Wellbutrin and Topamax.  I have been on both in the past, and I think they are a good combo for me.  Wellbutrin is an anti-depressant and Topamax acts as a mood stabilizer.  I'm very excited.  I've been living in some darkness lately, and although I hate to rely on medication, I think a good portion of my problem is chemical.  The doctor mentioned that with all the ups and downs I've had with depression, that I may need to take medication to maintain my emotional equilibrium.

We also talked about my obesity.  I told him about my knee problems and how I probably need knee surgery, but I'm terrified of how difficult the recovery would be at my current weight.  I let him know that my insurance does not cover anything obesity related.  He said he understood and that it's disappointing how many insurance companies won't cover it.  He actually brought up weight loss surgery and said that he certainly wasn't pushing it, but that it may be a viable option down the road.  It sounded to me like he might be willing to help me figure out a way to appeal through insurance for the surgery.  I guess we'll see.  My fat isn't going anywhere, so I have plenty of time before I need to make a decision.

I have really been enjoying "Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny" by Martha Beck.  Although she doesn't really suggest using art in her book, I have really found that using collage really helps me connect with what she's communicating.  I did a new collage last night on the theme of the "reptile" part of me agonizing and ruminating on my fears, and how from one perspective those fears may seem ridiculous.  So here is my piece with Toothless from "How to Train Your Dragon" as the reptile part of my brain, and some representations of some of my worst (and often irrational) fears (excuse the flash glare):

So here's hoping I can laugh at my reptile and these fears!  All in all, I'm feeling pretty good today.

Always Beautiful,

Kelly