Daily Supplements

One decision I struggled with early on was what brand of vitamins and supplements I should try.  I've done some research, but to be honest there are so many options.  It may sounds like a cop-out, but I don't want to recommend anything specific.  You have to choose what works for you--including for your budget.  But I thought I'd at least share what I take on a daily basis:

2 Flintstones Multi-Vitamins with Iron
3 Bariatric Advantage Calcium Citrate Chews (I've tried caramel & strawberry so far)
2 Vitamin B-12 gummies (generic brand)
1 Probiotic (currently Culturelle but I change every month)

So there you have it!

Typical Day of Eating @ Five Months Post-Op

Here is what a typical day of eating for me looks like:

Drink at least 12oz of water

Drink ½ of an Atkin’s shake

Drink 12-24 oz of water

First “meal” - a serving of protein plus veggies or fruit

(example: today I had ½ of a baked chicken breast & a tangerine)

Drink 12-24 oz of water

Second “meal” - a serving of protein plus veggies or fruit

(example: today I had pulled pork chili & some carrots)

Drink 12 oz of water

Third “meal” - a serving of protein plus veggies or fruit

(example: today I had 2 oz of thin-sliced turkey & 3 apple slices)

Drink 12 oz of water

Final “meal” - a serving of protein plus veggies or fruit

(example: today I had pulled pork chili & ½ cup of salad with cheese & nuts)

I will rarely have a protein bar in place of one of my meals.  I also occasionally eat a couple of crackers with chili or stew.  I typically stay away from processed carbs--especially bread, pasta and rice.  I usually fit a meal into a 6 oz container.  My calorie count is about 800-900 calories per day.  I eat healthy fats in small quantities, and make sure I get in plenty of protein.

Fitness at Five Months Post-Op

Here is my current weekly fitness plan:

Mondays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Tuesdays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Wednesdays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Thursdays

Walk for 45 minutes

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Fridays

Walk for 1 hour

Physical Therapy (knees) for 45 minutes

Saturdays

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

Sundays

Physical Therapy (knees) for 15 minutes

By six-months post-op I hope to add in:

• 15 additional minutes of physical therapy per day
• Strength training for abdominals/back 2x per week
• Strength training for arms 2x per week

By seven-months post-op I hope to add in:

• Flexibility training
• Balance training
• Swimming or biking as a way of cross-training

Trigger Foods

One of my mom’s concerns about me having this surgery is that I told her that I was going to try to forever stay away from certain kinds of foods.  I told her that I hoped one day I could eat them without having issues, but that I needed to be prepared to avoid them if they became trigger foods.

So what is a trigger food?  A trigger food is a food that makes you want to eat more; it’s any food that you have trouble resisting and leads you to overeating.  Different people have different triggers.  I knew that breads are my downfall--I LOVE bread.  I actually feel pretty confident that I can turn down cake, but bread is altogether different!

I have found that my ideas of trigger foods have changed over time.  I have managed to stay away from bread products for the most part.  I do have a couple of crackers occasionally.  I have been able to turn down cake several times now.

I think my trigger food, unfortunately, is popcorn.  I used to absolutely love SmartFood White Cheddar Popcorn.  I allowed myself to buy a small bag of it over the Christmas holidays, figuring I would limit myself to about ¼ cup of popcorn per day as a snack.  Well let me just say that it went down so easy and tasted so good!  I did not experience any restriction… I could have eaten the whole bag in one sitting.  I read somewhere that they call popcorn and chips “slider foods” because they just slide right through and you can just keep eating.  So obviously after eating almost a cup of popcorn in one sitting, I realized that popcorn was a big danger to me.  Sure--a cup of popcorn isn’t too bad.  My problem is I kept wanting more.  I wanted to eat the whole bag and then buy more.  So I threw away the rest of the bag.  And I haven’t bought any since.

I would like to think that I can eat anything in moderation--and in my ideal world, I can.  But I also understand that I’m flawed when it comes to food.  I just need to be aware of my difficulties.  And it’s okay for me to mess up or make a less healthy choice.  I just don’t want those less healthy choices to become the norm or a common thing in my life.  I’ve lost so much weight and it’s more important to me that I live a healthy lifestyle.  My health and weight loss are more important to me than the transient pleasure of popcorn.

5 Months Post-Op

I'm five months post-op and I thought I'd share what eating and health look for me at this time.

I feel pretty damn good to be honest.  I've lost a total of about 73 lbs so far.  I eat about 800-900 calories per day--a lot of protein and veggies with some fruit too.  I do have a little bit of healthy carbs thrown in the mix now, like I had a little tiny bit of cornbread crumbled over my chili tonight.  Sometimes I will have a cracker or two with something like a stew.  I usually eat 4 small meals per day--probably about 3/4 cup of food in a sitting.

I really enjoy eating healthy at this point.  That's not to say that I never make choices that are on the less healthy side--my son wanted Five Guys last weekend and it was my first burger in over five months.  I had about half of a little bacon cheeseburger with veggies and I took off the bun.  It was pretty yummy but I don't feel tempted to run out and eat all the burgers.  I also had some ice cream this week for the first time and I felt horribly ill afterwards.  I won't be eating ice cream again for a long time.

I drink a lot of water.  I have to really focus on my water goals because it's hard to fit in all the water when I'm busy and can only drink a little at a time.  I can't down a whole water bottle at one time.  I have to take a few swallows and then wait a few minutes.  So I definitely have to watch the time and be aware of how much water I'm taking in.

I didn't really begin my exercise routine until the New Year.  I was recovering from my complications and then I started work again right after Thanksgiving.  I was pretty exhausted and my surgeon told me to wait until after the holidays.  So I began on Monday, January 4.  I walk every morning before work and I take the weekends off.  I started with 30 minutes per day and bumped that up to 45 minutes on Fridays.  This week I am walking 45 minutes per day with the intention of walking an hour on Friday.

I also started physical therapy for my knees.  I had knee realignment surgery on each knee several years ago and I never built my strength back up.  I wanted to make sure that I take good care of my knees because I never want to have surgery again.  So I need to take good care of my body.  I do about 15 minutes of therapy at home every day and then go in for an hour of PT one or two times per week.  I'm hoping to build up to 30 minutes at home every day, but at the moment I'm happy to get in my 15 minutes.

On top of my physical health, I've been working on self-exploration and affirmation.  I have blogged about it in the past, but I have found journaling to be very helpful.  I start with an affirmation and then list five things I'm thankful for.  I draw an oracle card to meditate or journal on and then I just jot down my random thoughts.  Gratitude is my word for 2016 and I will be reaching out and thanking people around me.  I will be more aware of all the wonderful people and experiences in my life.

One thing that could be better in my life is that my weight loss has totally stalled.  I haven't lost any weight (or gained any weight) since the beginning of December.  It kind of sucks, but I've been pretty patient with it.  I know people stall at different points after bariatric surgery.  Plus, I know I must have lost some muscle mass with all my complications.  I am most likely losing fat but also gaining muscle.  But it's still pretty frustrating.  For now, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens over the next couple of weeks.

So that's a pretty good summary of myself at five months post-op.  I have my six month post-op appointment coming up in the middle of February (even though I'll only be about 5 1/2 months post-op).  I will try to post some before and after pics soon.

My Surgery and Recovery Story

My Surgery and Recovery Story

I wanted to share my story with others because my recovery involved complications.  First I want to say that bariatric surgery--of any kind--is NOT the easy way out.  It is a difficult road, and you still have to do all the work.  Yes, it is an invaluable tool for weightloss.  The surgery gives you time to set up good, healthy eating habits.  It causes restriction on the amount of food you can eat, helping you control your portions.  You get full very easily.  You lose weight fairly quickly at the beginning, which gives you encouragement and belief in yourself that you can do this.  I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing this tool is.  But it is not easy.  I still struggle with the desire for food--for that quick fix for everything.  Food was my coping mechanism, my way of feeling whole and satisfied in every way possible.  I can no longer turn to food for that fulfillment.  I have to turn down types of foods that I really enjoy because I know they are not a healthy choice for me, or because I know I will have trouble controlling my eating.

With that said, let me tell you my story…

I had researched bariatric surgery for 2-3 years before my surgery date.  I even did Ideal Protein for a number of months as my kind of last chance with diets.  I had to save up my own money for the surgery since my insurance specifically excludes bariatric surgery.  I read books, articles (scientific and personal), and read through blogs and forums for information.  I did my homework.  I attended information sessions at the hospital and at the surgeon’s office.  I know two other women in my circle of acquaintances who have had the vertical sleeve.  I asked questions and put together an information binder for myself.  I saved and I planned.

Once I had the funds I made my consultation appointment with my chosen surgeon.  Let me point out here that I researched my surgeon too.  I chose one who was well-known and respected.  I chose him because he was a Surgeon of Excellence with the Bariatric Board, and also because his office offered BLIS insurance for self-pay patients.  I should also point out that if you’re self-pay, the process is a lot faster.  I could have had my surgery within a few weeks of that initial consult, but I chose to wait until after our family vacation last July.

I had no issues with anything leading up to the surgery.  I had all my appointments and tests and there were no issues.  I also didn’t have too much difficulty with my two-week pre-op diet.  It lacked variety, which kind of sucked, but I was also excited about the surgery so I was able to get past it.  I told only my closest family and my boss about the surgery.  I only told one friend in advance because I knew she wouldn’t judge me.  I didn’t tell any of my co-workers.  I was trying to avoid any negativity going into the surgery.  I did intend to be absolutely honest about my weight loss once people started asking questions.  I planned to tell people about the surgery--I’m not ashamed of it.  It’s a personal decision and I absolutely understand why some people choose to be a little less than honest about how they lost weight.

So I had my vertical sleeve gastrectomy on August 31, 2015.  The surgery went fine with no initial complications.  I stayed overnight in the hospital.  Yes, there was pain that first night.  It was not fun to get up out of the bed to pee or go for a walk.  But I eventually managed to do both.  I was released the next day and went home to recover.  I think everything for me was pretty normal that first week.  I tried to walk a little every day--even if it was just around the house or up and down the driveway.

Monday, September 7, was Labor Day Holiday, but I did return to work the following day on Tuesday, September 8--only one week after I went home from the hospital.  I took it easy those four days and I was super tired.  The recommendation for recovery is 2-4 weeks, but I have a tendency to return to work early.  I didn’t want to use up all my leave and I figured if I didn’t feel well then my boss might allow me to work a little from home.  I always worry about taking advantage.  I did okay that week too.  I didn’t really notice any problems.  I was pretty exhausted, but that’s to be expected with so little calories and a liquid only diet.

That weekend I started feeling kind of bad.  I felt really tired and I had a bit of a stomach ache.  I returned to work on Monday and just felt kind of blah.  Tuesday I called in sick.  When I was getting ready for work that morning I had felt a horrible muscle cramping near my stomach--I almost fainted from the pain and panic.  I told my boss that I think maybe I had overdone it.  My husband had to drop something off at work for me and he spoke to my boss about my being worried about missing any more work.  My boss commanded that I take off the rest of the week to recover.  Have I mentioned that I have a fabulous boss?  I also called my surgeon because by that point I was not getting in all my fluids.  I would feel overfull from just a sip and I felt yucky.  My surgeon suggested that it was probably just a cramp from where they stitch the muscle from the surgery, but he also suggested that I could go to the ER to have it checked out just in case.  The ER he recommended was a hospital about an hour from where I live because he is a surgeon there plus they accept the BLIS insurance.  He didn’t seem terribly concerned and I held off.  I figured that I had just overdone it and just needed some rest.  Plus I wasn’t sure how I could get there.  My husband and I share a car and he had to work that week.  So I just waited.

By Friday there was no improvement and my surgeon called me back to see if I was any better.  When I told him no, he highly recommended that I go to the ER that day--preferably before noon so he could look in on me.  I started feeling a little concerned, but at the same time I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone.  My husband was at work and wouldn’t be home until early evening.  My mom was working and although she’s flexible I knew she had planned to leave work early that day to drive out of town to babysit my niece and nephew.  When I talked to my mom, though, she expressed worry and offered to take me.  At first I turned her down, thinking I would wait until she got home on Saturday or Sunday.  Then I gave myself a quick kick to the pants and called my mom back.  I knew that I wasn’t feeling well and was probably dehydrated.  It would be a bad idea to wait a couple more days.

It was early afternoon when we arrived at the ER.  They took blood and sent me for a CT scan.  I waited a long time for the results--I think it took a few hours.  Then they told me they would be admitting me--the CT scan showed an abscess near my stomach.  The abscess was about the size of a softball.  No wonder I didn’t feel well!

The following six days were really pretty terrible.  I will try to remember the details of my complications as best I can, but so much happened.

They decided that they would do a CT-guided drain rather than open me up and do one surgically.  The thought was that with the CT, radiology could thread the drain tube in precisely where the abscess was.  Let me just say that this was excruciating.  Although there was some pain management for the procedure, I could feel everything and it was horrible.  I remember moaning and crying out in pain during the whole thing.  It was horrible--probably the worst experience of the whole situation and up there with my two or three top worst experiences in my life (and I’ve been through a lot of pain in my life!).  I could also hear the radiologist say something about what was coming out being brown.  All I could think in that moment of pain was that maybe they pierced my bowels.  I remember that something smelled off, but I was very out of it--I was totally wrapped in my pain at the time.  Well, they didn’t pierce my bowels.  The abscess was a hematoma--infected blood.  So that explains the dark color and the bad smell.  They drained what they could at the time and left in a drain for the rest.

When they wheeled me back into my room afterwards, I remember I could hear the voices of my family, but I just kept my eyes closed.  I couldn’t deal with them or with anything.  I moaned with pain.  I was in a lot of pain for a number of days following the drain.  During that hospital stay, one of my blood cultures came back positive for staph, so then they had to redo the cultures and I was put on some crazy antibiotics.  I was just miserable.  I didn’t sleep well.  I was in constant pain.  The pain meds didn’t last more than an hour or two.  They had to switch my i.v. because my vein started collapsing.  It was horrible.  I was miserable and I just wanted to go home.  I was told that with the staph I would need a central line and I’d have to be on i.v. antibiotics for 2-4 more weeks at home.  Well it turns out that the first culture was wrong--I didn’t have staph!  Yay!  I stayed in the hospital for six nights and was sent home.  I was told that I should feel better in a few days.

A few days later I was not feeling better.  I still felt horrible and really wasn’t having much to drink.  When my symptoms hadn’t really improved, my surgeon sent me back to the hospital for a CT scan with contrast.  I will pause here to express my dislike and fear of needles--especially i.v.’s.  I’m irrationally terrified of needles and my previous hospital stay had not helped my fear.  So I was freaked out a little about the contrast.  They went ahead and did an i.v. for it.  The scan came back that the abscess had returned :(  So the surgeon on-call came in and performed outpatient surgery on me that same evening to put in a drain laparoscopically.  I was disappointed and upset that they had to go back in and that I was still so far from being recovered, but at least I wasn’t being readmitted!  And I will say that although it sucks to have surgery of any kind, this was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay preferable to the CT-guided drain.  

I went home and was told to expect to feel better in a few days.  Once again I wasn’t recovering like I was supposed to.  Six days after the drain was put in, I saw my surgeon for a check-up and he was concerned.  He didn’t like the color or the amount of stuff draining.  Plus, I still wasn’t getting in the fluids that I needed and I still wasn’t feeling well.  They had me wait at my surgeon’s office while the hospital prepared a bed for me to be admitted.  I was in tears and horribly upset.  I had had such a bad experience during my last stay, and I just didn’t seem to be getting better.  I was admitted to the hospital.  This time the CT scan showed that not only did I still have fluid draining, but now I had a small stomach leak.  When you have a stomach leak after bariatric surgery, they can’t just go in and stitch it up--your new stomach won’t hold stitches well.  So instead they decided they would put a stent in my stomach to stop the leak and to protect the stomach while it healed.  In the meantime, a nurse showed up at my room to pick me up for a central line.  I totally freaked out!  I’ve mentioned my absolute fear of needles and this was a much crazier i.v.--in my neck!  I was terrified and I had a total meltdown.  They backed off immediately.  It seems that they thought I had been informed about the procedure when I had not.  I calmed down and even spoke to my sister-in-law (an ob/gyn) who explained what a central line was and why it would be beneficial for me.  Not only could they “feed” me proteins and fats, but it would mean that they could draw blood without my regular i.v.!  That means no more collapsing veins!  So I calmed down and told them I was willing.  They still held off another day--I think I scared them with my freak out.

That stay was the longer stay.  They put in the stent and I was on the central line.  Let me say now that the central line was awesome.  My pain meds would go through so fast!  I would be asleep before they even finished putting the meds in the central line.  Plus they were able to give me vitamins, fats and proteins so I was finally getting some nutrition!  I think my only problem at that point was that I felt pretty nauseous from the stent.  By the end of the stay they also had to remove the central line (which was a little scary too).  My veins would burn when they’d give me pain meds.  So by the time I left the hospital, I was ready to go home.  I honestly don’t remember how long I stayed at the hospital that time.  I think it was about 10 days, but it may have been more like 12 when I look at the calendar.

I finally had my final CT scan a couple of weeks later and it came back clear!  It was such a relief!  Once the drain was out, I started feeling better and could finally start eating.  I stayed home another couple of weeks and then returned to work.

It was an interesting and difficult journey.  I did not expect complications when I went into this surgery.  I just assumed I’d make it through okay.  And I was lucky that I did okay considering the complications I had.  That original abscess could easily have killed me.  I feel incredibly lucky.  I am also very thankful for everyone who supported me during the whole damn thing.  I have even made “Gratitude” my word going into 2016.  I have written lots of thank you notes and created gratitude gifts for everyone who stood by me.  I think that I have put so much of myself into becoming healthy in part due to the horrible experiences I went through.  It’s even more important to me that I not waste this opportunity to be healthy.

I will write again soon about my weight loss and what I’ve been doing.

I'm here but there have been a few issues

I've been weighing (ha!) my decision to return to my blog. I had my surgery and two weeks later developed complications. I spent nearly three months off work and had multiple hospital stays, outpatient procedures and even a surgery during that time. I've been through the wringer and feeling tired and emotional. 

If you had asked me even two weeks ago if the surgery was worth it, I'm not sure what my answer would have been. My original complication would have been seriously life-threatening if we hadn't caught it when we did. I had so many self-doubts during the pain and misery of recovery. I tried to stay positive but it was often hard. 

Now, however, I can say that I am feeling better now. I am back at work and although I had some worries about coming back, it has all worked out. I can also say that my weight loss has been dramatic. I went out of my way to not weigh in while I was so sick. Understand that my weight loss was more dramatic because of my complications making it very difficult for me to eat much if anything. 

At three months post-op I have lost just over 60 pounds. I now weigh 193.8. So I'm also below 200, which is amazing!

So what about the blog? Well I was too ill to really keep it up during recovery. And I just don't know. I don't think anyone is even reading this. I had planned to keep blogging because I know that when I did my research I wanted to read about other people's experiences and maybe someday someone will want to hear my story. Then again I'm probably just sitting here blogging to myself. And that's honestly okay with me. I'm just not sure this is my forum any longer.

First Post-Op Appointment

Yesterday was my first post-op appointment with my surgeon.  It was very brief and to the point.  I guess that's the thing when you deliberately choose a surgeon for being one of the best surgeons without caring about his/her personality or bedside manner.  He's very efficient, but that doesn't leave a lot of room or time for coddling me.  I'm actually okay with that.  I had a brief fight with cancer five years ago and I was glad to have the best surgeon.  I never saw him smile until my very last visit with him post-op.  I didn't mind sacrificing warm, fuzzy feelings for cold, clinical ability.

Anyways...  the appointment went well.  I weighed in and was given a sheet that explained what I could expect between now and the next appointment.  Then I spoke to my surgeon for a few minutes, he made sure I was doing okay and asked if I had any questions.  I really didn't.  I've been researching this surgery for two+ years now so I could probably be a coach for it.  And that was it.  It was probably my quickest doctor appointment ever.

And here are the stats:

Weight 234.5 lb   (down from 254 @ my initial consult)
BMI  42.9     (down from 46.5 @ my initial consult)
Fat %  48.3%    (down from 50.5%)
Fat Mass  113.5 lb   (down from 128.51)
FFM  121.0 lb

So there you have it!  I'm hoping to take some pics this weekend and post them.  I can tell I've lost weight by looking at my face, and also along my upper torso.

8 Days Post-Op

I wanted to give an update yesterday on my week since surgery-versary, but I was honestly just tired and didn't feel like getting on my computer.  I had an allergic reaction to the glue my surgeon used on the incision sites, so I don't really want to take measurements yet.  Plus I'm sure I still have some swelling so it can wait.  Actually, my abdomen looks kind of lopsided at the moment--the right side sticks out a little more than the left.

I can give you my weight for yesterday (One Week Post-Op):
238.4 lbs!

That's 6.5 lbs down in the week since my surgery and I'm down a total of 16.8 since I began my pre-op diet!!!  So yay! That's exciting :)

I can tell by looking at my face that I've lost weight.  But I still have a ways to go before I go down a clothing size.  When I was on Ideal Protein, it took me almost 30 lbs before I went down to an 18/20.  I lost about 33 lbs on Ideal Protein over three months.  I think I will have that beat shortly!

I started back at work today.  I was initially planning to work a 1/2 day for the first few days, but I ended up getting busy and the time flew by and... well it was close to my usual time when I finished what I was working on so I asked my boss if I could just slip out 30 minutes early.  I was absolutely beat when I got home.  I feel so tired.  I will play tomorrow by ear.  I was able to eat what I needed to eat.  I did try to shoot for closer to 2.5-3 oz eat time I drank rather than 2.  It allowed me to put a little more time in between my meals.  That helped a bit.  I was very careful not to overdo it!  I did the 3 oz for water ONLY and just tried to take a couple extra sips of protein each meal.

I've also gotten bored with my Isopure ready-to-drink protein drinks. I really wanted to get a little variety. I have also found that by adding some things together I can get the protein I need. Keep in mind that I am not getting many calories in every day. It's a struggle to get in enough protein each day! Here is what my meals looked like today:

1 packet of Unjury Vanilla protein powder mixed with 8 oz of unsweetened soy milk

1/2 can cream of chicken & mushroom soup mixed with 1/2 can of water and 1 packet of Unjury unflavored protein powder

Each of those was divided into 2 oz containers but I did try to drink slightly more than one container per meal

Day Five Post-Op

In general, I'm feeling a little better.  I can move and sleep a little easier.  I'm getting in all my protein every day.  I'm still pretty sore and I get these twinges of pain in my chest when I swallow sometimes.

My biggest issue is my skin around the incision sites.  It appears I am allergic to the glue they used.  So now my skin around the incision sites is all red and I have little bumps everywhere.  My entire abdomen itches, and it's just generally uncomfortable.  And there's nothing I can do to make it better.  They can't give me steroids, which would be the normal route for this.  They can't remove the glue because it's too soon after my surgery.  So that leaves me with taking Benedryl.  I can also put ointment on the red, itchy areas, but I have to be very careful not to get it on the incisions.

There are certainly worse things that could have gone wrong with this.  I am just going to keep moving forward.  The PA for my surgeon told me that this wouldn't go away for probably a couple of weeks.  That is not awesome.  So yay me.

In case you're curious what I'm "eating" at this point post-op, here is my menu for the day:

• Syntrax Nectar Fuzzy Navel protein shake (8 oz divided into 2 oz portions)
• Campbell's Cream of Chicken and Mushroom Soup with a packet of Unjury unflavored protein (1/2 of it today, so 8 oz divided into 2 oz portions)
• Isopure Apple Melon RTD (6 oz divided into 2 oz portions)

That gets me my goal of protein.  I alternate 2 oz of protein and 2 oz of water all day.  It's way few calories, which makes me a little nervous, but hopefully soon my stomach capacity will allow for me to take in more calories.  It should get much better when I can add mushy foods to my diet.

Day Four Post-Op

Today I have moved from clear liquids to full liquids--which means I can add in regular protein shakes, soy/skim milk, and strained cream soups!  Unfortunately, this will also be my diet for the remainder of my first two weeks post-op.

I slept horribly last night.  I really need to take some pain medicine before I go to sleep.  I'm just stubborn, but I definitely suffered last night.

My incision sites are pretty damn red and my skin is itchy.  I will have to keep a close eye on them this weekend to make sure I don't get a skin infection.

I just feel generally miserable.  I ache and I hurt a little, but it's not the worst thing ever.  It's just enough for me to not want to do anything.  I feel tired because I didn't sleep well at all last night.  I'm not hungry at all, but every 15-20 minutes I have to drink either water or protein drink.  I know it will get better.  I just wish I could feel a little better a little sooner.

It will get better.  I will feel better soon.

Day Three Post-Op

I'm feeling a little better this morning.  I managed to sleep most of the night, and I think I needed the rest.  I think my only concerns now are my incisions and going back to work.

I have a tendency to get skin infections after surgery.  I even warned the pre-op nurse about it.  Well the area around my incisions is nice and red, warm to the touch.  It doesn't necessarily mean that it's infected.  It's just a red flag for me though.  My skin is itchy and I think the red is spreading.  So I will call my surgeon's office today and give them the heads up about my skin.

I fully intend to go back to work next Tuesday.  I don't want to use up all my leave--I need to save some for my post-op appointments and for if I get sick at all this school year.  I'm worried though because I know I will still feel weak, and I will have to constantly interrupt my work to sip on my protein supplements and on water.  I think I should feel much better by then, but it's still a bit of a concern.  My boss is usually pretty cool and I think she would let me work from home for a couple extra days, but I hate to ask.

Overall I think my recovery is going well.  One good thing is that I have absolutely no hunger.  I've been taking my vitamins every day, getting in my protein and most of my water.  I don't have a lot of pain--I will get twinges of pain here and there.  Mostly I'm kind of achy.  I wish I could soak in the tub for a while or sleep through this part of the healing.  But since I can't, I'm just taking things one step at a time.

The days are long

There are times when I wish I could speed through life just a little. I am ready to be done with these first few post-op days. It's very hard to get in all my protein. I also ache everywhere. 

I am trying to pamper myself a bit. I took half a dose of my pain meds to maybe take the edge off the pain. I was able to take a nice nap. Unfortunately I can't just sleep all day and let my body heal up. I have to push my liquids and do deep breathing and go for short walks. So I need most of the hours in my day. 

I'm feeling a bit emotional and vulnerable which is pretty common for me after surgery. The good news is that I don't feel any hunger whatsoever and I have no regrets. I'm tired and cranky and hurt. But this is going to pass. Each day I should feel a little better. I just hope I feel well enough to return to work next week

Post-Op Day Two

I feel pretty crappy today.  My entire body aches.  I have to drink 2 oz every 20 minutes so I can get in all my protein and all my water for the day.  I slept horribly.  I could take something for the pain, but usually the pain meds make me feel worse rather than better.  So I'm holding off.

I drink my little 2 oz, but I honestly can't tell my fullness yet.  I haven't thrown up yet, so that's good.  I'd like to avoid that at all costs.

I feel pretty exhausted.  Laying down is very uncomfortable.  I wish I could relax in the bathtub, but I can't take a bath for at least a few more weeks.  I am allowed to take a shower, but they suggested that I not let the water hit my incisions directly.  Mine were glued and the water could make the glue come loose.

I don't have any regrets yet.  I am just eager to get out of this stage.  I don't like feeling miserable and I have to remind myself that this will pass.  Today isn't quite as bad as yesterday.  Hopefully each day will have me feeling better.

I had my surgery!

I'm writing this from my hospital bed. I had the surgery this morning. I'm finding that having air in your body sucks pretty badly and the first two times I stood (with assistance), I thought I was going to pass out.

But now I'm in my hospital room getting ready to sleep some more. I mostly wanted to say that I did fine and should be released tomorrow

Surgery Tomorrow!

My surgery is tomorrow morning!  

I finished my two week pre-op diet yesterday.  This morning I was able to have a light breakfast, but now I am on clear liquids for the rest of the day.  I can drink until midnight and then nothing until I come out on the other side.

I’m excited and nervous.  I’m honestly trying not to think about it.  I don’t want to be scared and I don’t want to worry.  There is nothing I can do to make the time go by faster, and there’s nothing else to do but to do it.  I am no stranger to surgeries, and what I have found that helps me is for me to distract myself as much as possible the day before.  I like to watch movies or tv and just stay busy.  I also tend to stay up late.  I know I will have a hard time sleeping, plus it doesn’t really matter if I’m tired tomorrow.  I will be sleeping a lot for recovery, so let me be tired!  

This is it.  This is really happening.  I can’t believe it.  I’m not sure how I feel.  I think I feel ready.  I mean how ready can you actually be?  But I am as ready as I think I can be.  This is it.  My life totally changes beginning tomorrow morning.

My Daily Tools

Starting this journey is exciting and scary.  I have worked so hard to save up the money, and done so much research and planning.  And it’s finally here.  My time is now.

I’ve been continuing to read about and implement new tools in my life to help me succeed.  I recognize that I’m the only one who can meet my own needs and reach my own goals.  But along the way, I think these will really be helpful.  I started out complaining to myself that I don’t have enough time to do these things every day, but honestly this is worth it.  I am worth it.  Plus, without my constant obsession with food, I find I actually have more time to do these things.

So here are my daily tools.  I’ve used some of them off and on for over a year.  Some of them are new.  But this is my daily plan.  I am hoping to accomplish these things first thing every morning.

Daily Affirmation - I write a statement to myself, affirming how awesome I am.  This is a hard one, but it gets easier as you go to find something nice to say about yourself.  It also starts to make you really believe good things about yourself.  You may feel silly when you start, but this may be one of the most important steps you take towards loving yourself.

Gratitude - My current goal is to write down five things I’m grateful for.  There are always my easy stand-bys like my husband and kids, etc.  Sometimes I challenge myself further and really examine what I’m grateful for in my life.  This really helps you realize how much you actually have in your life.

Tarot/Meditation/Reflection Card - This is a new practice I’ve begun.  I draw a card and take some time to meditate on or journal about the card’s meaning in my life.  I really enjoy this--it’s funny how the card always seems to have some sort of meaning for me.

Journal - I try to do some writing everyday in a journal.  It isn’t meant to be for anyone else--just me.  I write about anything and everything.  Sometimes some really interesting things come out from writing like that.

Read a Chapter - Right now I’m working on Self-Love Diet by Michelle E. Minero.  I want to make time in my life for some good self-help or spiritual books, but I need to stop rushing through everything.  Reading an entire book in a day or two doesn’t give me any time to work through it or implement the tasks.

Walking - My goal is 30 minutes per day.  That’s what the post-op recommendation is, so I started a week early.  Hopefully down the road I will push further and longer.

Confront my own negative thoughts - This is one that occurs throughout the day.  If I say or think something negative about myself, then I try to notice it.  I like to write it down and then debunk it--I change it to something positive or I point out the actual truth and not just my broken perspective of things.  This is very helpful but it can be hard to remember to do.

Celebrate the Little Victories! - This is one that was hard for me in the beginning.  Again, this is done throughout the day.  I write down every little thing that is a victory for me.  I used to think I could only feel proud of myself for accomplishing something big--staying on a diet or exercise routine for months, or going above and beyond on something.  Now I realize that every little thing is a victory for me.  Every healthy meal, every glass of water, every little bit of walking--everything should be celebrated.  I write down my victories.  I am proud of myself for walking 5 minutes because it’s a victory.  I don’t want to only focus on the things I mess up; I deserve to be celebrated for every little thing I do right :)

Those are my daily tools.  I’ve had to work up to doing them all, so I wouldn’t recommend implementing all of them together.  Start with one of them that really calls to you right now.  Start trying to do it everyday.  It’s okay if you miss a day--start back up the next.  If one of these doesn’t work out for you, that’s okay too.  You need to find the tools that work for you!

Meditation and Journaling with Cards

I wanted to talk a little bit about Tarot cards.  I’m not into fortune-telling or anything; I’m more of a science gal.  But I will totally admit that I have long been fascinated with tarot cards.  I think they have an interesting history, but I also love the artwork of some decks.

A blogger that I have enjoyed reading for a couple of years now uses tarot cards for something else--meditation.  Her name is Susannah Conway and I enjoy her photography and her newsletters.  At the end of each newsletter she always shares a tarot card (from all kinds of decks!) and the meaning.  It’s lovely, and I thought it might be interesting to get my own deck.

I chose the Joie de Vivre tarot deck by Paulina Cassidy.  It just felt like the right choice for where I am in life right now.  I am hoping that over time I will grow my collection!

Today I chose the Four of Wands, which means “vitality, growth, celebration, partnership, stability”  How fitting!

There are a number of ways to use the cards…  some people will draw a card (or select one that’s appropriate for where they are or what they are seeking) and meditate on the card.  You can meditate actively by thinking about the card and it’s meanings for you or you can begin a deep breathing meditation and visualize the card just being aware of your thoughts.  Another thing you can do is to journal about the card--you can do is a stream of consciousness writing about the card, or you can make it more about describing the card and writing about it’s meanings.  I love the stream of consciousness writing idea, so I may incorporate this into my morning journal writings.

How To Make Opti-Fast Chicken Soup More Palatable

Being on Opti-Fast for my pre-op diet has been somewhat rough.  I started out not minding the chicken soup mix, but that quickly got old and yucky.  I didn't have a lot of choices for my meals, and unfortunately I had to eat one soup per day.

I've been experimenting to try to make the soup more palatable.  I would highly recommend making sure you get your water very hot--warm chicken soup is way worse than hot soup.  Here are some flavoring suggestions:

• Lowry's seasoned salt & pepper along with chili powder, then I went crazy with the cumin.  I figure you can never have too much cumin!
• Soy sauce & ginger (and maybe some red pepper flakes if you like spice)
• Curry powder & ginger
• Garlic powder & onion powder
• Bacon & onion seasoning

I find that I'm better off with really fragrant spices--it helps disguise the taste!  You really almost can't go wrong with seasonings.  I tried to pick things that "went" with chicken.  I think the curry & the cumin mixes did the best for me.

I will be sooooooo glad when I am past the pre-op diet!

My Chosen Arsenal

I’ve slowly been working on purchasing some things to help make my life easier after the surgery.  These are tools to help me as I work on changing my eating habits.

Small Plates

I have gotten some tiny appetizer plates and then some dessert/salad plates.  I wanted pretty plates so I can feel they are special.  With smaller plates, the amount of food I eat will take up more room and won’t leave the plate looking empty…

Small Utensils

Same sort of idea here.  With tiny forks and spoons, I won’t be able to eat as much.  This will help me with portion control.  I bought some appetizer forks and spoons since I wasn’t able to find toddler utensils I liked.

Small Containers

For my meals.

Plastic Jello Shot Containers

I wanted some really small containers for when I’m early post-op.  I plan to use these to help me figure out what I can eat in a meal to start with.  I may also use them to keep track of my water intake.  I might set up goals for my water--like one of these every 30 minutes throughout the day.  I liked the jello shot ones because they were the right size, and they have lids!

I also bought some protein powder and ready to drink protein drinks to have on hand.  I will need to get some sugar-free popsicles and broth before my surgery.  Things are moving forward!