Friday Art Journal (NSFW)

Death

Affirmation Monday

"The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something.  Don't wait for good things to happen to you.  If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope,

you will fill yourself with hope."

-Barack Obama

Friday Art Journal

Blue

Getting back to me

So I have had a rough couple of weeks.  I've slacked off on my journaling and on celebrating my little victories.  I haven't blogged much.  I've been in semi-survival mode and have returned to unhealthy coping mechanisms.  But I'm okay.  I'm recovering.  And I feel like I may even be coming out better on the other side.  I've been more honest with myself through this process.  And it is a process.  I won't wake up one morning and everything be just perfect.  I am working towards the me I know I am inside.  And I have to allow that to happen.  I have to allow myself to make mistakes and to fall backwards.  I have to believe that I can continue to pick myself back up.

I know I have so much more work to do.  And that's okay.  I give myself permission to take things slowly.  And I recognize that I am trying, and that this journey is important to me.  I am important to me.

I will begin journaling again.  I was going to say that I will start tomorrow, but forget that--I am starting this evening.  I will journal again.  I will make art.  I will sing and listen to music.  And I will begin to do the things for myself that are important to me.  I will begin to see the good again.

So I will start with me...

And let me say that I suppose this is my small victory :)

Affirmation Monday

"But all the magic I have known

I've had to make myself."

-Shel Silverstein

Where the Sidewalk Ends

Friday Art Journal

I wanted to create a new journal to use for my art.  I have been really digging in to who I am so this cover definitely reflects my more spiritual side.  These images are ones that captivate me.  They make me want to be there, to touch and witness.

New Art Journal Cover (Front & Back)

Affirmation Monday

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought o go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get o."

"I don't much care where -"

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

-Lewis Carroll

Alice in Wonderland

Friday Art Journal

I really wanted something colorful and lush feeling.  I had found this quote on Pinterest, and I loved the idea of perfect imperfection.  I often think of myself as broken.  I am even proud of my brokenness--I have survived so much and am so strong in so many ways.  I would like to be unapologetically myself.  Why don't I just allow me to be me?

Perfect Imperfection

My Victory List

I’m not very good at complimenting myself.  I tend to be hard on myself and expect a lot of myself.  It’s hard for me to see all the good that I do and that I am.  I am trying though, and it’s slowly getting easier and better.

Journaling has helped tremendously.  It started very slowly.  I would sit there and agonize over anything genuine to write.  I didn’t want to just write something I didn’t believe.  But slowly I would find little things I could write and believe about myself that were positive and wonderful.  I began to see the little victories in my life.  I began to believe.  

I used to overlook the little victories.  I used to think the little victories were things like going for a 30 minute walk or drinking 64 ounces of water.  Yes, those are absolutely victories.  They are actually pretty big victories.  A single glass of water is a victory too!  A 5 minute walk is a victory!  I know it sounds silly, but these little things add up, especially when my life has seemed so devoid of joy for so long.  Being able to recognize these little victories has really made me feel good.  I’ve been able to slowly track these in my journal and genuinely celebrate them.

Here is a list of little victories:

"Happy Plate" - Leaving food on the plate!

ordering a smaller portion/appetizer instead of a full meal

drink a glass of water

clean/straighten a room

do a load of dishes/laundry

fold clothes

hang up clothes

scoop/change litter

mow lawn

walk

yoga

bike

physical therapy

eat at home

cook a meal

say no to eating out

say no to food

give away food

go grocery shopping

forgive myself

be kind to myself

do art

do a craft

run an errand

be productive for an hour at work

stand up for myself

This list is not exhaustive.  I add to it as I discover that something I’ve done is a victory.  Sometimes it’s an amazing feeling, and sometimes it just feels strange.  I threw away half an order of fries the other day.  I’m not used to throwing away food.  It didn’t make me feel sad or angry or guilty or even happy.  It was kind of just… a curious feeling.  I almost felt detached from it.  And I was glad I did it.  It was almost like there was no emotion attached to the fact that I was full and I didn’t care to eat any more french fries.  Go figure!

Affirmation Monday

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."

-Dr. Seuss

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I absolutely LOVE the video from Burning Man 2011 (NSFW!):

Friday Art Journal

This is just another of those pieces where I just went where it took me...