Back to Basics

Do you ever feel like the people around you don’t appreciate you?  I struggle with this a lot.  And I get disappointed and hurt over it.  I think, though, that maybe I need to take a closer look at how I feel about myself.  Do I give myself the respect and appreciation I deserve?  The answer is no.

I put other people first.  I don’t stand up for myself and I don’t treat myself with the kindness and love that I show others.  I don’t love myself unconditionally.  I don’t take care of myself.  I don’t put myself first.  

So why do I mistreat myself?  Do I feel that I don’t deserve to be loved?  I’m not sure to be honest.  I want to believe that I love myself.  I think I’m pretty terrific in so many ways.  And I think I have the potential to be an absolutely amazing woman.  But I don’t treat myself that way.

How can I begin to be the me I want to be?  How can I show myself love and understanding?  How can I love myself unconditionally?

I’m going to be going back to some of the basics…

Write down my negative self-talk and counter it with positive self-talk

Start a gratitude journal

Start some basic self-care

Celebrate my little victories

I think that’s probably enough to start.  Sometimes I try to go all out and then when I mess up just a little… I stop altogether.

I am worthy of self-respect and respect from others.

I am kind and giving.  I am a creative woman.

I deserve to be loved and appreciated.

I am not invisible.

Initial Consultation

Yay!  My first major step has been taken--I had my initial consultation with my bariatric surgeon this morning :)

I qualify for the surgery and I have scheduled my surgery date for Monday, August 31, 2015!  They gave me a packet of information to go through and I also received my pre-op diet food, which I will eat for the two weeks prior to my surgery.  I still have to have my psychological appointment, and then my pre-op tests (1-2 weeks prior) and finally I will need the okay from my regular doctor before the surgery.

I will be self-pay and I'm having it done through the program at Woman's Hospital in Baton Rouge.  My total cost will be $14,800.

Here are the results from the Body Composition Analyzer at the surgeon's office:
Weight 254.0 lb
BMI 46.5
BMR 7804 kJ/ 1865 kcal
Impedance 393
Fat% 50.5%
Fat Mass 128.51 lb
FFM (Fat Free Mass) 125.51 lb
TBW (Total Body Water) 92.01 lb
Desirable Fat% Range 23-34%
Desirable Fat Mass Range 37.5-64.5 lb

I also took a little time this morning to take body measurements:
Neck 16.5"
Upper Arm 21.5"
Wrist 7.25"
Bust 52.5"
Chest 47"
Waist 51.5"
Hips 57"
Thigh 27.5"
Calf 17.75"

I may have gone a bit overboard with the measurements, but I figured that I would rather track too much information than not enough.

Here are my current clothing sizes:
Tops/Dresses 22/24 (or 3X)
Pants 22/24
Bra ~44 B/C
Panties 9/10
Shoes 8.5-9 M

Finally, I took some "Before" pictures.  I figured today is my first round of information.  I will follow-up when I start my pre-op diet and then the day of surgery.  From there we shall see!  I'm more excited than nervous today, but I'm sure I will experience a wide array of emotions!

Friday Art Journal

Hats & Crowns