Affirmation Of My Decision

I have not wavered from my plan to have bariatric surgery.  I have been very aware of my decision and the consequences.  I think about it every time I eat.  I ask myself if I can live without the particular food I’m eating and if I will miss it.  My mom gets stressed out when I talk about not being able to eat my trigger foods ever again.  I reassure her that I may be able to eat them in very tiny portions as long as they are no longer trigger foods for me.  But if eating a bite of bread or cake makes me want more…  then it will have to be out of my life forever.  And I’m okay with that.

My husband and I went on a short vacation together.  We went to a bed and breakfast in Florida.  This is our third year of going.  It’s always lovely and relaxing.  I enjoyed it, but by the third day I was having trouble walking to the beach.  We went out to walk the beach at night, but I could barely walk across the street to get to the beach.  It made me so sad.  We had originally planned to get up early the next morning to swim in the ocean one last time before heading home.  We had to change our plans because I couldn’t manage it.  I’m too fat and out of shape.  My knees cause me all kinds of problems.

I have to have this surgery.  I am morbidly obese.  My obesity has a massive effect on my life.  I have to plan around my weight.  I am so sick of food and the hold it has over me.  I need this tool to help me get back to being the person I really am.  I want to be active.  I want to enjoy life.  I want to walk on the beach and fit in a seat on an airline or in a theatre.  I want to spend less time worrying about what we’re going to eat.  I want to be able to go for a bike ride or hike.  I want to be able to dance.  I want to live a full life.  I don’t want to die prematurely.  I want to live to see my grandchildren and be able to enjoy my time with them.  

This is happening.