Self-Conscious

I'm so tired of the way I look and the way I feel.  Last night we had a family event and I wore a dress.  Although I felt okay about how it looked standing up, I had never worn it sitting down.  I felt incredibly self-conscious.  The dress kind of clung and my stomach looked huge--which I guess it actually is, but I hate bringing attention to it.  I spent part of the evening clutching a purse to my stomach to try to hide it.  Most likely no one else was paying any attention to me, but I felt like a little, fat troll.

I kept thinking that next summer will be different.  I will look and feel different.

At dinner I also noticed what I'd be able to eat post-op.  I felt pretty good about my options.

Anyway, I am ready to get out of this fat body.