Here is a previously unpublished blog post I created a couple of weeks ago:
I know that I will always battle depression. It has come fewer times and further between, but it is always there under the surface. I took a couple of days off of work and really just fought it off. It's been pretty rough. I haven't been able to turn to my usual comfort--food. Instead, I've had to just deal with it. I've been able to not turn to eating as my coping mechanism, which has been great. It's the small victories, right? But I've also been really miserable. I've been doubting myself and getting frustrated with everyone and everything. And I've been very sad. I have been on the verge of tears for about three days now. I haven't cried, and I couldn't even tell you what it's about. But I just feel vulnerable and tired. I just want to crawl inside myself and hide for a few days, or weeks, or months.
But I'm slowly pulling myself back out of it. I am getting back into my routine, and working hard to stay on track with Ideal Protein. I'm not giving up.
One of my favorite bloggers is Jenny Lawson--The Bloggess. She is so funny, but she has also been through anxiety and depression. It helps to know that I'm not alone - that there are others who face depression. I keep hoping every time things are going well that maybe I will be free of it. Maybe I will turn around one day and see that years have passed rather than weeks or months. But at least for now, I feel thankful that it is usually months rather than weeks. And it isn't like it used to be either - it hits me, but I am still able to function for the most part. And then it fades. I know this too shall pass...
I'm feeling much better now. I feel like myself. Best yet--the depression didn't cause me to cheat on the diet! Yay! So I am still on track. Depression isn't easy, but I think over time it has become more manageable.
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