Leaning Into the Fire

I'm tired and it's Halloween, so I'm going to make this very brief.  I wanted to share a collage based on "leaning into the fire"--a concept in Martha's Beck's "Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny."  She talks about really allowing yourself to experience the feelings of the now when you're in pain or in crisis.  Sometimes you have to be in that moment and fully accepting of the pain, of the fire, in order to move beyond it.  So you should lean into the fire.  My husband and I call it riding the fuckwave.  It's when you just hang on for the ride--live in it and don't try to control it.  Just be and let it be.  So here's my very small, brief version of leaning into the fire:

Now I'm going to go enjoy an evening with my daughter.  Maybe I can convince her to watch a scary movie with me.

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Book Review: Exodus from Obesity

I just finished reading "Exodus from Obesity: 2nd Edition" by Paula Peck.  Peck had gastric bypass surgery over a decade ago and offers a lot of good information about weight loss surgery and recovery.  She includes a healthy mixture of research, experience, and support.  Mostly, Peck is very positive in her writing, and the book made for an easy read.

I read the Kindle version, however, which had some weird formatting.  I was able to borrow it for free from the Kindle Lending Library so the problems didn't bother me as much as they would have if I had paid for the book.  The book is well worth reading--there is great advice for both pre- and post-op, but the book price is a little steep in my opinion.  The paperback is $17.95 and the Kindle is $9.99.  I'm assuming the errors are present in the paid Kindle version.

I particularly like how Peck encourages the reader to really take advantage of the Honeymoon and Golden stages (the first six months post-op, when weight loss comes very easily) to set up the good and healthy eating and exercise habits.  That way you are already eating right and exercising by the time your stomach stretches out some.  All in all I thought Peck gives great advice.  I will definitely have to re-read this as I get closer to an actual surgery date, and I would recommend it to anyone thinking of having the surgery.

There was only one thing that kind of bothered me in the book.  In one chapter, Peck talks about dealing with food and the children in your family after weight loss surgery.  Some people feel that children may feel deprived without access to goodies.  Peck thinks that people should work on defining what love means to themselves and their families--love should not revolve around food.  Okay.  I understand, and yes, I can agree.  I was bothered a little though because I don't think it's always that simple.  My children overeat.  It's a problem, and one I am working on with them.  I don't like junk food in the house for their sake more than mine.  But it's kind of crappy to imply that I am letting food act as a substitute for my love for them.  I love my children very much, and they don't need cake and ice cream to prove that.  I have to admit though that I tend to be overly sensitive about my parenting, so maybe the problem isn't what Peck said but my perception of what Peck said.  What do you think?

Regardless, I would highly recommend "Exodus from Obesity: 2nd Edition"  Check it out from Amazon:

Are there any books about obesity, depression, or weight loss surgery you'd recommend?

Always Beautiful,
Kelly

Progress...

I made some progress today.  I saw my primary care physician to talk about my depression and my obesity.  This was my first time seeing this doctor since I have a new insurance.  He was actually very nice and supportive.  I didn't feel judged, which is a huge relief.  I am starting on Wellbutrin and Topamax.  I have been on both in the past, and I think they are a good combo for me.  Wellbutrin is an anti-depressant and Topamax acts as a mood stabilizer.  I'm very excited.  I've been living in some darkness lately, and although I hate to rely on medication, I think a good portion of my problem is chemical.  The doctor mentioned that with all the ups and downs I've had with depression, that I may need to take medication to maintain my emotional equilibrium.

We also talked about my obesity.  I told him about my knee problems and how I probably need knee surgery, but I'm terrified of how difficult the recovery would be at my current weight.  I let him know that my insurance does not cover anything obesity related.  He said he understood and that it's disappointing how many insurance companies won't cover it.  He actually brought up weight loss surgery and said that he certainly wasn't pushing it, but that it may be a viable option down the road.  It sounded to me like he might be willing to help me figure out a way to appeal through insurance for the surgery.  I guess we'll see.  My fat isn't going anywhere, so I have plenty of time before I need to make a decision.

I have really been enjoying "Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny" by Martha Beck.  Although she doesn't really suggest using art in her book, I have really found that using collage really helps me connect with what she's communicating.  I did a new collage last night on the theme of the "reptile" part of me agonizing and ruminating on my fears, and how from one perspective those fears may seem ridiculous.  So here is my piece with Toothless from "How to Train Your Dragon" as the reptile part of my brain, and some representations of some of my worst (and often irrational) fears (excuse the flash glare):

So here's hoping I can laugh at my reptile and these fears!  All in all, I'm feeling pretty good today.

Always Beautiful,

Kelly