Depression Lies

(I wrote this last November but was in a funk so I never posted it. I wanted to share it.)

So I came to a realization this morning.  I have been having a lot of trouble blogging lately.  I think because my depression has been rearing up it’s ugly head.  Some of it is that I don’t feel like writing.  The other, deeper thought is that I feel like I have nothing to offer.  I sometimes feel like I’m a complete failure--which makes it hard to feel like I have anything to say to others.

My realization is two-fold:

1. I do have something important to say.  I have a voice.  I also know what it’s like to feel absolutely alone--even when surrounded by others.  If this blog can help someone know, even for a moment, that she is not alone in her depression…
2. I need to do this for me.  I need to value myself.  I feel so fucking unappreciated sometimes.  In the end, though, I’m the one who doesn’t appreciate myself.  I don’t respect myself and love myself.  This is my voice, and I deserve to communicate my thoughts and feelings.  In the end, does it even matter if anyone reads this?  I want to do this for me.

Does this mean that I will get back to posting regularly?  I don’t know.  I can’t promise that I will.  Instead, I will make the effort.  I will try to step up and blog about my depression.  Because depression absolutely sucks.  Depression lies.  And I hold onto those lies.

I want more than this for myself.  I want to feel good about myself and feel love for myself and others.  If you are reading this and you feel alone…  I’m there.  That is me.  So let’s at least understand that we are not alone--even when we feel that there’s nothing but darkness.  Hold onto that little spark of light.  We are capable of bringing light in.  Believe it.